About heirofhope : I love my cat.
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heirofhope's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 03/25/2016 at 5:55pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my friends and I were goofing off playing tag behind the local church, when I heard a banshee-like wail behind me. Assuming it was one of my friends, I wailed right back and ran. Turned out there was actually a funeral going on, and the wail was from one of the bereaved. FML
by Anonymous / 01/27/2016 at 8:30am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, while I was taking a shower, my boyfriend came into the bathroom to ask me a question. When I got out of the shower, I was greeted with a horrifying cutout of Michael Jackson. I fell backwards, shattering the glass shower door. I needed stitches. FML
by Shy_Shiloh / 01/21/2016 at 3:58am / United States (Ohio) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/09/2016 at 9:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/01/2016 at 2:03am / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy
Today, I thought it'd be funny to sneak up behind my dad and yell "BOO!" to scare him. He didn't even flinch. All he did was calmly look over his shoulder and sigh, "Oh for fuck's sake. And you wonder why I don't love you." FML
by Anonymous / 12/26/2015 at 3:29am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous
Today, while looking through my son's browser history, I found a Google search for "stop looking in my history u nosey cunt". I swore last week that I don't invade his privacy, so I can't even punish him for the bad language without looking like a lying bastard. FML
by Hank-T4 / 10/11/2015 at 7:45am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
Today, my 6-year-old daughter touched a tray I'd just pulled out of the oven. I quickly swatted her hand away, but then noticed she wasn't hurt or burned at all. I then gingerly touched the tray and got scalded. My daughter giggled maniacally as I screamed. To be honest, I'm now terrified of her. FML
by :| / 09/26/2015 at 12:10am / New Zealand (Nelson) / Kids
by Anonymous / 09/24/2015 at 1:07pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, while blissfully unaware that it was the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, I was making paper airplanes during my free period in school. Next thing I know, I was reported for, "making jokes about the 9/11 attacks." FML
by Anonymous / 09/11/2015 at 6:51am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by ealovan / 08/24/2015 at 12:18am / United States (Iowa) / Money
Today, I discovered my new step-dad has a rule about the shower. After three minutes, he turns the water off at the source. I had to beg him to turn it back on whilst covered in shampoo suds, and the only way I could get him to give me another minute was to forfeit my phone for the week. FML
by ruserious / 08/07/2015 at 7:24am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to wait thirty minutes after closing to check out a lady who was purchasing 20 different styles of curtains. I asked what she would be doing with them all, and she replied that she would be bringing 19 of them back tomorrow, as she didn't know which would match. FML
by jlmbull / 07/28/2015 at 11:04pm / United States (Michigan) / Work
Today, I had to explain to my boss that I was late to work because somehow my hand slipped when I was brushing my teeth, and I hit myself in the eye with the brush. I had to remove my contacts, wash my eye, and find my glasses. He didn't believe me, but at least my eye is minty fresh. FML
by sarika / 07/23/2015 at 8:12pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work
Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them panties off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML
by Anonymous / 07/15/2015 at 12:29pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous