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heffies

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heffies

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 16 April 1991 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 70
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About heffies : Circles

heffies's page activity

Visits<b>asparagus12</b> - the 11/25/2013 at 1:10pm

heffies's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

See all of heffies's badges

heffies's favorite FMLs

Today, concerned about my daughter's recent behavior, I looked through her web browser history. I found web searches for information on how to make a bomb to blow up a "horse". I'm not sure if she's illiterate, but either way it seems I need to get her some help. FML

#20977212
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39272) - you deserved it (3801)

On 12/01/2013 at 4:43pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wearing a shirt with a big QR code on it. Amused, I used an app on my phone to decode it. It gave me a shortened web address, which I followed, only to be faced with a picture of the same gentleman naked, grinning, and giving a thumbs up. FML

#20882561
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54902) - you deserved it (27586)

On 09/15/2013 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML

#20804720
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64834) - you deserved it (6580)

On 07/26/2013 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by awkward (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML

#20793994
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54725) - you deserved it (6340)

On 07/20/2013 at 11:45am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Delaware)

Today, my girlfriend was sitting on my lap at a birthday party. She thought it would be funny to fart. I came instantly. FML

#20785133
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59428) - you deserved it (20959)

On 07/15/2013 at 9:42pm - intimacy - by needsnewshorts (man) - United States (California)

Today, my naked boyfriend walked up to me with my towel around his neck and with a hard-on, then declared he was "The Penis Man" and slapped me with his junk. I thought I was dating a man, not a man-child. FML

#20782097
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47953) - you deserved it (16527)

On 07/14/2013 at 1:03pm - intimacy - by peniswoman (woman) - United Kingdom (Renfrewshire)

Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML

#20777932
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41714) - you deserved it (5324)

On 07/12/2013 at 4:15pm - misc - by O_O (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend was extremely nervous to meet my parents but I made him do it anyway. One of the first things out of his mouth was, "I'm glad you had sex." When they gave him a look of shock, he added, "You know, when you made your daughter! She's awesome!" FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, my boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond." FML

#20494997
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34510) - you deserved it (6687)

On 02/05/2013 at 9:31pm - love - by NewlyDread (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, it's been two months since I got a kitten. He loves to hide, and then surprise me by jumping out of his hiding place. It was quite a surprise when he launched himself out of my bag during class. FML

#20483320
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45424) - you deserved it (5932) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/28/2013 at 2:52pm - animals - by Kitten_Love - Sent from mobile version

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML

#20480699
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31886) - you deserved it (3322)

On 01/27/2013 at 12:57am - love - by pdub523 - United States (Texas)

Today, I sat on my balls while at a restaurant. As I was wincing in pain and readjusting myself, my girlfriend came and sat on my lap. She landed directly on my nuts. After a minute or two, I stood up, only to rack myself once again on the corner of the table. FML

Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML

#19297004
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26540) - you deserved it (4421)

On 03/17/2012 at 10:32pm - love - by Brian - United States (Washington)

Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML

#17556947
403 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30143) - you deserved it (5654)

On 08/23/2011 at 10:46am - intimacy - by Andrew (man) - United States

Today, I looked out my window to see the sunset, but instead I see my neighbor dancing with strobe lights on and music blasting. He was by himself and had absolutely nothing on. FML

#16978964
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28737) - you deserved it (3802)

On 07/04/2011 at 10:38pm - intimacy - by danam - Canada (Ontario)



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