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heckler416

Offline (the 09/18/2014 at 10:31pm) | Search for a member

heckler416

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Sunday 20 May 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 42
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 8 posted

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heckler416's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend let me be the first one to read the novel he dropped out of college to write. Turns out it's titled "A Brief History of Ass" and is an incoherent ramble about every time we've had anal sex. FML

#20989324
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50659) - you deserved it (8023)

On 12/11/2013 at 7:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I pulled over a speeding driver. I admit that I'd been hoping for this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady put her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket. Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, and her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons. FML

#20977282
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44323) - you deserved it (19889)

On 12/01/2013 at 6:07pm - work - by fuck my eyeballs (man) - United States (California)

Today, my son came home for the fifth time saying he didn't get the job, wondering what he did wrong. I looked at his resumé; under special skills was, "Keeping it real." Apparently he saw it in a movie and thought it would work. FML

#20928390
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40820) - you deserved it (5016)

On 10/21/2013 at 12:18am - kids - by Wheredigowrong - United States (Iowa)

Today, my wife appropriated our savings to finance her crazy, midlife crisis idea of designing and marketing Cheez Whiz dildos. FML

#20860571
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36958) - you deserved it (3023)

On 08/30/2013 at 5:05pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my 18-year-old daughter texted me and told me that she got in a car crash. She texted, "I forgot wich way wus left lol" and then quickly added "yolo right? Lol". FML

#20814697
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59023) - you deserved it (10571)

On 08/01/2013 at 2:21am - kids - by father of the year - United States

Today, I heard my mom sobbing in the bathroom. Concerned, I went in to see what was wrong. I found her sitting on the toilet, pants down and a cigarette between her fingers. When I asked what was going on, she looked up at me and slurred that we'd run out of "shit-wipes." FML

#20804901
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43033) - you deserved it (3396)

On 07/26/2013 at 3:55pm - misc - by trailertrashyanditsucks (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend was sitting on my lap at a birthday party. She thought it would be funny to fart. I came instantly. FML

#20785133
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59591) - you deserved it (21014)

On 07/15/2013 at 9:42pm - intimacy - by needsnewshorts (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was teaching my daughter how to drive. We were passing by a merge lane; I told her to slow down and let a green car merge in front of us. She said, "Fuck the green car" and sped up, colliding with it. Apparently she didn't know that would happen. FML

#20783255
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50925) - you deserved it (6475)

On 07/14/2013 at 11:40pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I did my small part to help the environment by hanging my clothes outside to dry rather than using the dryer. The birds showed their appreciation by crapping on the majority of my clothes. FML

#20647651
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41005) - you deserved it (12195)

On 05/07/2013 at 1:10pm - animals - by hitchcock2013 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I tried lying to my parents for the first time. My mother is a neuroscientist and my father is a psychologist. Somehow, they managed to make me admit that I was lying before I'd even finished. FML

#20646351
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30889) - you deserved it (39825)

On 05/06/2013 at 8:52pm - misc - by blondie107 - United States (Texas)

Today, my mother set off the alarms at Walmart by shoplifting. She shouted at me to run, which I didn't. I had to get a ride home from the security guard, since my mother left without me because I didn't get to her car fast enough. FML

#16569461
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44620) - you deserved it (4604)

On 06/08/2011 at 10:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was catching the bus to my new job. While waiting at the lights, I decided to play the staring game and ended up staring at a woman in the car next to the bus for ages, really creeping her out. It turns out she's my new boss. FML

#16408581
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10353) - you deserved it (44141)

On 05/29/2011 at 9:45pm - work - by milkymoo (woman) - Cyprus

Today, my boyfriend and I were in our room getting hot and heavy. As he was entering me, he started making electronic whirring sounds. Once inside, he said in a robotic voice, "Initiating launch sequence in 3... 2... 1..." and began thrusting as fast as possible. FML

#14333152
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41888) - you deserved it (8760)

On 12/25/2010 at 8:38am - intimacy - by Jessie - United States (Texas)

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

#836792
930 comments

I agree, your life sucks (355346) - you deserved it (38859)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)



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