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Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML
I agree, your life sucks (49036) - you totally deserved it (4812)
On 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm - kids - by ....... (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I was on the phone with my best friend who lives out of town. He was strangely quiet. Later that day I asked him why he didn't talk much. He admitted he was jacking off to the sound of my voice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37494) - you totally deserved it (2300)
On 06/17/2009 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by automaticfail_00 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was volunteering at a zoo event for special needs kids. My job was to dress up in a kangaroo costume and greet the kids. One kid came up and said "You're not real!" and kicked me in the nuts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36036) - you totally deserved it (2472)
On 06/13/2009 at 10:42am - kids - by Hackmanjones (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (199954) - you totally deserved it (31703)
On 03/06/2009 at 2:04pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she randomly asked me "does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked "does he beat you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (116790) - you totally deserved it (13855)
On 03/04/2009 at 6:07pm - intimacy - by Girl123999 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob (I don't normally do it because I have a fear of getting squirt in the eye). Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bite the wrong spot and get lemon juice shot right into my eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18518) - you totally deserved it (57682)
On 02/21/2009 at 9:07pm - intimacy - by svet (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my girlfriend and I had sex for the first time. When I was on top of her, she asked me if it was in yet. I said yes. She sighed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (101238) - you totally deserved it (15335)
On 02/17/2009 at 6:00pm - intimacy - by ramenluver (man) - United States (California)
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