Search for a member

Offline (the 11/05/2016 at 1:27am)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1173
  • Number of comments : 47
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About heartemopants : I love reading about people's sucky lives. It lets me feel better about my insane family!

Bubbles is my favorite word

heartemopants's page activity

Visits<b>Jivesliven</b> - the 01/16/2016 at 11:01pm<b>Cyrus00</b> - the 01/16/2016 at 12:06pm<b>shanekicksass</b> - the 01/09/2016 at 12:38pm<b>Puddlepop</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 12:49pm<b>ChrisTehAsian</b> - the 12/05/2015 at 11:37pm<b>ultimate41</b> - the 12/04/2015 at 5:03pm<b>HarshD9619</b> - the 07/25/2015 at 5:12am<b>Dowbo</b> - the 07/08/2015 at 1:24am<b>Jake42100</b> - the 06/24/2015 at 11:13pm<b>jacky75</b> - the 05/21/2015 at 9:16am<b>fantasyworld</b> - the 05/13/2015 at 11:09am<b>amadeclton</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 2:11pm<b>delfino1604</b> - the 04/06/2015 at 2:24am<b>Wrex</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 11:06am<b>JayVicious</b> - the 02/13/2015 at 11:51pm<b>Saso</b> - the 02/13/2015 at 7:23pm<b>BenjiX</b> - the 02/13/2015 at 11:55am<b>spockadelic</b> - the 02/12/2015 at 6:46pm

Fucked!<b>Dowbo</b> - the 07/08/2015 at 7:24am<b>BenjiX</b> - the 02/13/2015 at 5:55pm<b>spockadelic</b> - the 02/12/2015 at 1:01am<b>joshtapp</b> - the 02/11/2015 at 4:33pm

heartemopants's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

See all of heartemopants's badges

heartemopants's favorite FMLs

Today, I was slapped across the face by a girl in the waiting room at the dentist's office. She thought I was taking a picture of her breasts with my phone. I was smiling while reading other people's FMLs. FML

by karmamaybe / 12/03/2012 at 3:35pm / United States (South Dakota) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom and I took my senile grandmother to the mall, since she doesn't get out much. She complained it was hot, then took her clothing off in the middle of the food court. It took us thirty minutes to make her put her shirt back on. FML

by Sam / 12/02/2012 at 9:05am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, my daughter had a meltdown when I told her I donated some of her old toys to Goodwill. It turns out Toy Story has taught her that toys have feelings and that she has a meaningful relationship with them. She's in her teens. FML

by susan / 11/17/2012 at 5:31pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, I had to stand next to my wife at the supermarket, beet-red and pretending not to exist; about half an hour into our shopping, she completely lost her shit at the advertising on the loudspeaker, turned to another patron, and screamed into his face to shut the fuck up. FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2012 at 2:47pm / Ireland / Miscellaneous

Today, I was reading a book in public. Some bastard stranger came over and started spoiling the plot for me. FML

by Spoilicious / 11/05/2012 at 10:58am / Singapore / Miscellaneous

Today, I was stuck in the bathroom yelling for someone to get me toilet paper. My grandpa slips a small leaf under the door and says, "This is what I used in my day." FML

by Obi1Shinobi / 10/30/2012 at 10:27am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while mowing the lawn, I was attacked by an underground hornet nest. I now have many stings, two scared dogs, and a mower still running outside. The hornets are swarming it and some are sitting on the lever, as if to turn it off. It's like they know. FML

by Anonymous / 10/17/2012 at 4:08pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend sat me down for a "confession". His confession consisted of him saying that "women are like a bag of chips," and that while you can love the smokey BBQ flavor, every once in a while you just have to go for some salt and vinegar. FML

by Anonymous / 05/12/2012 at 4:04pm / Egypt (Al Qahirah) / Love

Today, I was on an airplane, waiting to go to the bathroom. After a few minutes, the man behind me asked what I was waiting for, and checked the bathroom. It was empty, and there was a big line behind me. FML

by Anonymous / 05/10/2012 at 9:09am / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML

by omgwhyme / 01/08/2012 at 9:36am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg bag of carrots, and nothing else. She then informed me that, for as long as my girlfriend and I keep 'going at it like rabbits', she would be feeding me like one. FML

by Danny / 01/07/2012 at 5:27am / Australia / Intimacy

Today, after five long years of having been together, my boyfriend told me that he wanted to take our relationship to the "next level". We now have a Sims relationship. FML

by Anonymous / 09/23/2011 at 6:24pm / Germany (Berlin) / Love

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend saying, "I shall be the prince, and you shall be the princess," to his hamster. Once he saw me, he quickly turned to the hamster and said, "I have to go. The dragon is here." FML

by Cheese4men / 05/14/2010 at 7:28pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have intercourse for the first time. One minute into it, he got nervous and farted. What's worse is that his fart scared him, and he asked "What was that?" FML

by Haley. / 03/26/2010 at 7:58pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, I got an iPhone, I was excited and because I have a new number I wanted to mess with my girl a little. I started sending her provocative messages, and after 4 or 5 of them, I discovered I had entered her number wrong and was talking dirty to a man named Noah. FML

by pummy / 09/29/2009 at 8:48pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy