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Offline (the 10/15/2016 at 1:54am)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1129
  • Number of comments : 47
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About heartemopants : I love reading about people's sucky lives. It lets me feel better about my insane family!

Bubbles is my favorite word

heartemopants's page activity

Visits<b>Jivesliven</b> - the 01/16/2016 at 11:01pm<b>Cyrus00</b> - the 01/16/2016 at 12:06pm<b>shanekicksass</b> - the 01/09/2016 at 12:38pm<b>Puddlepop</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 12:49pm<b>ChrisTehAsian</b> - the 12/05/2015 at 11:37pm<b>ultimate41</b> - the 12/04/2015 at 5:03pm<b>HarshD9619</b> - the 07/25/2015 at 5:12am<b>Dowbo</b> - the 07/08/2015 at 1:24am<b>Jake42100</b> - the 06/24/2015 at 11:13pm<b>jacky75</b> - the 05/21/2015 at 9:16am<b>fantasyworld</b> - the 05/13/2015 at 11:09am<b>amadeclton</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 2:11pm<b>delfino1604</b> - the 04/06/2015 at 2:24am<b>Wrex</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 11:06am<b>JayVicious</b> - the 02/13/2015 at 11:51pm<b>Saso</b> - the 02/13/2015 at 7:23pm<b>BenjiX</b> - the 02/13/2015 at 11:55am<b>spockadelic</b> - the 02/12/2015 at 6:46pm

Fucked!<b>Dowbo</b> - the 07/08/2015 at 7:24am<b>BenjiX</b> - the 02/13/2015 at 5:55pm<b>spockadelic</b> - the 02/12/2015 at 1:01am<b>joshtapp</b> - the 02/11/2015 at 4:33pm

heartemopants's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

See all of heartemopants's badges

heartemopants's favorite FMLs

Today, I went camping with my husband not too far from our house. We got our tent pitched up, stove ready and roll-out bed out. He then said, "I'm just gonna go for a walk." It had been about an hour before I decided to go find him. He had walked home to play CoD. FML

by AnnoyedWoman / 08/17/2014 at 6:19am / United Kingdom (Southampton) / Love

Today, I asked the girl I like if she had her eye on anyone, subtly hinting that I wanted to date her. I sat there while she confessed her love for her cousin. FML

by Wowthanks / 05/04/2014 at 8:13pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I told my dad I'm pregnant. His response? "It's only a phase, you'll get over it." FML

by twinArmageddon2 / 04/15/2013 at 2:04am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I walked into my dad straightening my dog's fur. His excuse? The dog needed to feel pretty. FML

by xtammyle / 02/19/2013 at 2:01am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals

Today, my wife mentioned that she wanted to give me a three-way. I was ecstatic, until she opened her right hand, only to reveal a 3-way lightbulb. FML

by phatdaddy62 / 02/18/2013 at 12:23pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, while at church, I received a text from my girlfriend, saying, "It's not working. We're over." Not only was my phone not on silent mode, I was sitting directly beside my now ex-girlfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 02/17/2013 at 5:44pm / Hungary (Szeged) / Love

Today, my dog died. We planned to get her cremated and keep the ashes. My sister put forward the idea of putting the ashes in our food so our dog can be "inside of us, always." She's completely serious. I'm scared to eat food from her now. FML

by Anon. / 01/02/2013 at 4:53pm / Animals

Today, my wife and I had a fight, which I thought we resolved. Later, while painting the kitchen, I told her to change into an old shirt she didn't care about. She made a huge show of putting her wedding gown on, veil and all. FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2013 at 4:33pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, my roommate stumbled in drunk at 5am with 3 Big Macs, and passed out on the floor after eating them. This happens almost every night. I stay in, study, work, and go to the gym almost everyday. And she still has better grades, a better body, and makes more money than me. FML

by apparentlythereisnokarma / 01/01/2013 at 4:00pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my child to the park. Having been there an hour, another mum came up to me and we started talking. She then told me that one kid had been harassing her children, pointing to my child. When she asked which one was mine I pointed to a random kid. It was hers. FML

by Anonymous / 12/23/2012 at 10:02am / Australia / Kids

Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML

by anonymaiacciu / 12/21/2012 at 8:16pm / France / Intimacy

Today, in class, I reached into my bag to pull out a tampon, which I hid under my sleeve so I could make a quick escape to the restroom. My teacher yelled at me, because she thought I'd taken out my phone. I then had to prove myself by showing the tampon to the whole class. FML

by bloodyfreakinawful / 12/14/2012 at 1:40am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, my daughter called me to pick her up at the mall. She said I had to meet her inside a specific store, so I figured she wanted me to pay for something. Turns out I was right, she was being arrested for shoplifting. FML

by Anonymous / 12/05/2012 at 9:32pm / United States / Kids

Today, after coming home from surgery, I discovered that the heating in my entire building had failed. I called my mom asking if I could come and stay with her for a few days. She told me to "think warm thoughts." FML

by lonelyandcold / 12/05/2012 at 6:27pm / United Kingdom (Solihull) / Money

Today, during a conversation, my boss said, "What, what?" Before I could stop myself, I replied, "In the butt." FML

by whitecollar / 12/04/2012 at 9:43pm / United Kingdom (York) / Work