About hazumu : am just a girl with a f-ed up life, and f-ed up family to enrich the experience.
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hazumu's favorite FMLs
Today, I discovered both how much I really talk to myself when I'm drinking alone and how thin the walls of my apartment are. I heard my own slurred voice coming from my neighbor's apartment. They had recorded me and made a mixtape of some of the more interesting things I had said. FML
by talker / 11/14/2012 at 1:14am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband and I were pulled over by a cop. He was still angry from our earlier argument over his constant freeloading, and when the cop told him we'd been doing 75 in a 55, he retorted, "Yeah? I did 75 in your mom last night, fuzzball." One more ticket I have to pay for. FML
by me / 05/18/2012 at 10:41pm / United States (Michigan) / Money
by Anonymous / 05/14/2012 at 11:52pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML
by lafinesse / 05/14/2012 at 6:23pm / Miscellaneous
by Tristansefam1367 / 03/12/2012 at 9:11am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by Crying / 02/29/2012 at 3:21pm / United States (Michigan) / Geek
Today, my dog threw up on my bed while I was sleeping. I lost an hour of the day washing the vomit out with a rag, and my garbage disposal jammed on whatever otherworldly things my dog ate the day before. I had to dig it out by hand. FML
by good_gravy / 02/20/2012 at 2:39pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Animals
by Anonymous / 02/19/2012 at 6:17am / United States / Transportation
Today, I felt sorry for the weird chick at work that everybody avoids and decided to initiate a conversation with her. She interrupted me mid-sentence to tell me about her vaginal odor problems, before shoving her hand into my chip packet and inviting herself to dinner at my house. FML
by meet Chloe / 02/19/2012 at 4:15am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
by Lilah / 02/18/2012 at 7:29pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by 97 / 02/17/2012 at 4:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by KDM / 02/05/2012 at 2:39pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was having lunch at McDonald's when I dropped a French fry down my shirt. It stuck out the top of my bra. Before I had the chance to remove it, a creepy man picked it out and ate it saying that it was the best French fry he had ever eaten. FML
by Anonymous / 02/05/2012 at 10:45am / Reserved / Miscellaneous
by inked / 02/05/2012 at 12:54am / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
by tacoboy27 / 12/21/2011 at 12:39pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation… 2Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 3Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went…
- Today, I was coaching some kids in table tennis when I told them to try a forehand loop, or smash.… Today, my girlfriend and I woke up in a frisky mood and after a very quick glance around the house… Today, my cross-country flight was delayed for an hour. When I finally boarded, I found out that my…