About hazard_havoc17 : it's a bio what do you expect me to fuckin' put here?
hazard_havoc17's FML badges
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
hazard_havoc17's favorite FMLs
Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML
by breathalizard / 05/02/2009 at 2:21am / United States (North Dakota) / Health
Today, as soon as I got home, my girlfriend was waiting for me at the door. She told me she was breaking up with me, the reason? She found a girl's shirt in my closet and that she didn't need a cheating boyfriend. That shirt was mine. FML
by Anonymous / 04/22/2009 at 4:15pm / Canada (Quebec) / Love
Today, I went to a date with a girl I thought liked me. We sat down at a restaurant, ordered some food and started talking. After 30 minutes she said with a sigh of relief "THANK GOD! There's my dad. Now I can leave. Bye, thanks for the dinner." The food hadn't even arrived yet. FML
by mildver / 04/20/2009 at 12:51am / Costa Rica (San Jose) / Love
Today, I was visiting my grandmother's house. She keeps the thermostat on 85 and after about 30 minutes I explained to her "I'm going to have to leave, it's just too hot in here". She replied: "You think it's hot in here, wait until you get to hell." I laughed. She didn't. FML
by Anonymous / 04/15/2009 at 3:45pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was telling my younger brother and sister how important it is to know how to use a knife properly : while slicing potatoes. Just as I was saying how stupid people can be with knives, the potato slipped on the counter. I sliced open my hand while talking about knife safety. FML
by nessacadesa / 03/24/2009 at 12:47am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML
by ScoobieDoo / 03/20/2009 at 12:15am / United States (Washington) / Kids
by deez_nutz / 03/10/2009 at 8:46am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I got a call from my friend who invited me to a theme party. It was a goth theme, and I decided to get real into it. I put on a trench coat, black skin tight pants, and black paint under the eyes. When I got there I was greeted by a kid in a pink popped collar. It wasn't a theme party. FML
by nerd / 03/02/2009 at 10:20pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
by Invisible / 02/19/2009 at 10:48am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, while in our communal showers in the highschool football locker room, I started to swing my penis around because it feels good and I was alone. Two minutes later the rest of the team hops into the shower with me. 30 dudes, one self-induced boner. FML
by JLoistheBomb / 02/10/2009 at 7:01pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, in biology class, I kept seeing a fly mosquito buzzing past my face and I kept trying to swat at it... only to realize that it was a ceiling sprinkler that was about 10 feet away. I have no depth perception. FML
by Mith / 02/04/2009 at 5:56am / Poland (Wielkopolskie) / Animals
by bluntedone / 02/02/2009 at 11:42pm / United States (Arizona) / Money
by buddy / 01/26/2009 at 9:58am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…
- Today, I went over to my crush's house for the first time. Everything was going great until his dog… Today, I was trying to avoid one of our dogs while driving down the drive. Instead I crashed into a… Today, I was at drama club, rehearsing for a play I'm in. But I had to leave early and so I went up…