Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Online | Search for a member
About haylburg : I love EDM/Dubstep! And I'm super passionate about ear piercings, and drawing! My favourite poem is Annabelle Lee by Edgar Allan Poe, look it up if you're interested in reading it, it's really great! My favourite book is Lolita, read that too!
If I mean enough you'll wait for me. No, no, no...come back.
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Today, I realized that no matter what I accomplish in life, I'll always be remembered for being the son of a woman so stupid that she claimed she used to be Elvis Presley's mistress. She was still an infant when he died. FML
Today, I was playing monopoly with my boyfriend and a few friends. After I bankrupted my boyfriend, he turned to me and said, "I fucked your best friend last night, so who really won?" I turned to the best friend in question, she looked at the board and said, "I'd like to buy a house please." FML
Today, my boyfriend got on one knee and started talking about how we met. Knowing what was coming, I started tearing up, absolutely sure he was going to propose. Just as I was about to say yes, he quickly stood up and yelled "HAH, JUST KIDDING". FML
Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML
Today, I was quizzing a girl at my college, and I noticed that when she answered a question, her ears wiggled. It was cute, so I pointed it out. She burst into tears, and the guy next to me said, "Way to make her feel insecure, douchebag." FML
Today, at the movies, some asswipe kept throwing candy at me. After 20 minutes of it, I got up and went over to get him to stop. Good news: his balls vanished faster than a politician's spine immediately after being elected. Bad news: I got kicked out for "starting a disturbance". FML
Thursday 23 April 2015