hawtcookies

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hawtcookies

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 30 May 1989 (27 years old)
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 1849
  • Number of comments : 154
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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hawtcookies's page activity

Visits<b>jsb1426</b> - the 01/10/2016 at 1:31pm<b>Violet_Embers95</b> - the 02/24/2015 at 11:37pm<b>gamerkz</b> - the 07/07/2014 at 2:04pm<b>ltjohnson93</b> - the 05/20/2014 at 11:56am<b>Patty410</b> - the 02/26/2014 at 7:56pm<b>brrarm</b> - the 02/06/2014 at 8:27pm<b>Zaketh2112</b> - the 01/14/2014 at 2:29pm<b>rebeccavaden</b> - the 08/16/2013 at 10:09pm<b>mcmuffinman1</b> - the 08/13/2013 at 9:41am<b>thebestintheworl</b> - the 04/19/2013 at 12:14am<b>zilla52</b> - the 03/08/2013 at 3:35am<b>TechFire</b> - the 02/05/2012 at 6:21pm<b>boko</b> - the 10/09/2011 at 6:28pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:52pm<b></b> - the 01/11/2011 at 11:52am<b>greyy_goooose</b> - the 09/21/2010 at 9:19pm<b>emmy111</b> - the 09/21/2010 at 7:27am<b>c420racer</b> - the 09/15/2010 at 10:53am

Fucked!<b>Violet_Embers95</b> - the 02/25/2015 at 5:37am

hawtcookies's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of hawtcookies's badges

hawtcookies's favorite FMLs

Today, as usual, my cat was sleeping on my stomach. I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately picked him up and put him down next to me. He got up, hopped back onto me, gave me a slap and then went back to sleep on my stomach. I didn't dare move all night. FML

by dormeur / 01/18/2013 at 6:39am / Animals

Today, I was feeling frisky for the first time in months, so I started feeling up my husband. He kept insisting he had a headache and that he wasn't feeling it tonight. When I noticed his sarcasm, he said "Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it?" and turned the TV volume up. FML

by Anonymous / 02/24/2012 at 10:07pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I was looking through some old family photos. I don't know what the hell was going on in my head, but I idly double-tapped on one to zoom in. They were prints. FML

by Anonymous / 02/10/2012 at 5:17pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was invited over by my girlfriend's parents, but I couldn't bring myself to take part in their discussions. During a lull in conversation, I noticed everyone was staring at me. Covering myself while I tried to think of something to say, I grabbed an apple and took a bite. It was plastic. FML

by Bonapp / 02/09/2012 at 5:11pm / France / Miscellaneous

Today, as a support worker, I spent 45 minutes making various attempts to calm a violent autistic kid. Just as soon as I was sure the crisis was over, he beat me as hard as he could with the "Things I Can Do When I'm Mad" book I'd given him. FML

by metallifreak44 / 11/14/2011 at 8:37am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I decided to get back into shape. I went for a jog around my neighborhood. The ice cream truck followed me for my whole jog, mocking me. FML

by Anonymous / 09/09/2011 at 9:36am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML

by Anonymous / 08/26/2011 at 1:49pm / United States / Animals

Today, after watching Insidious, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was on the toilet. I was in mid-piss when he jumped out at me, and I ran screaming and peeing down the hall. FML

by toni405 / 07/21/2011 at 5:24pm / United States / Love

Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML

by spiderwoman / 04/15/2011 at 7:47am / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Animals

Today, I was lying on my recliner watching TV when I dropped the remote under the footrest. I got down on my hands and knees and pushed the footrest into the chair. The moment I touched the remote, the footrest deployed and hit me square in the face. FML

by Joplin / 09/13/2010 at 3:33pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I was coaching at a swim meet. I heard a few of my swimmers screaming about a huge wasp on my head, so I told everyone to stay calm because we didn't want to upset the wasp. Unfortunately, I was interrupted by another coach from our team hitting me repeatedly on the head with a clipboard. FML

by Doodle / 08/01/2010 at 8:20pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because she said I was more of a woman than she was. I yelled out, "I HATE YOU!" and started to cry. She then took a tampon out of her purse, handed it to me, laughed, and walked away. FML

by GirlishMan1883897 / 07/24/2010 at 6:53am / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I realized that I can still do the splits. Why? Because I fell down an entire flight of stairs, everyone in the hall saw me land and applauded. Someone even shouted "and she sticks the landing." FML

by misty_love / 03/10/2010 at 3:09am / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was really bored and decided to annoy my mom while she was doing the dishes. I walked up behind her, touched her shoulder, and said "Poke". She then donkey kicks me straight in the nuts saying "Kick". I know now to never bug my mom when she's in a bad mood. FML

by Numbnuts / 03/07/2010 at 10:08pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the mall blasting music. I was wearing a nice shirt, and had my iPod in my breast pocket. I noticed a cute girl smiling at me, so I smiled back and as she started to walk over, I turned down my music while smiling. It looked like I was rubbing my nipple. FML

by zero_minded12 / 05/20/2009 at 11:08pm / United States (Illinois) / Love