Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

haveyou000

Online | Search for a member

haveyou000

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Monday 15 August 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 148
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

haveyou000's page activity

Visits<b>Schizomaniac</b> - the 05/31/2014 at 4:34pm<b>Sebastian2022</b> - the 05/11/2014 at 4:37am<b>nialls_princess1</b> - the 03/21/2014 at 7:59pm<b>Nevracceptdefeat</b> - the 03/19/2014 at 6:51pm<b>lisaint</b> - the 03/19/2014 at 3:23pm<b>DJisHere11</b> - the 03/18/2014 at 4:13pm<b>Wolverine33</b> - the 03/18/2014 at 9:26am<b>acidicthinking</b> - the 03/18/2014 at 2:39am<b>Bulldozer36</b> - the 03/18/2014 at 12:18am<b>chrisseesyou</b> - the 03/17/2014 at 9:23pm<b>Wizardo</b> - the 03/17/2014 at 8:33pm<b>Federgirl</b> - the 03/17/2014 at 7:31pm<b>MxAxRxCxO</b> - the 03/17/2014 at 7:01pm<b>Alexeon</b> - the 03/17/2014 at 6:08pm<b>tmac815</b> - the 03/12/2014 at 11:47pm<b>thebob808</b> - the 03/06/2014 at 6:13pm<b>tranced_</b> - the 03/06/2014 at 3:03pm<b>matt300</b> - the 03/06/2014 at 2:34pm

haveyou000's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of haveyou000's badges

haveyou000's favorite FMLs

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

#21259401
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32587) - you deserved it (2905)

On 09/16/2014 at 12:18pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I had to take bus to work, because yesterday my car was hit by a bus. While standing there, I noticed the driver kept looking back at me every now and then. As I went to get off, he looks at me again and says: "Sorry..." FML

#21252700
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42794) - you deserved it (2582)

On 09/05/2014 at 10:36pm - work - by crop circle galore - United States

Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML

#21246585
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35099) - you deserved it (33762)

On 08/27/2014 at 5:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was playing Mario Kart with my wife. I threw a blue shell and it hit her. She then refused to speak to me for three hours straight until right before bedtime when she called me a bastard and told me to sleep on the couch. FML

#21244858
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42779) - you deserved it (7373)

On 08/25/2014 at 1:44am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had some painful gas at work, so I tried to silently ease it out. It was silent all right; silent, and so deadly that someone exclaimed, "What the fuck?!" My coworkers traced it back to me. Now they're all pointing their mini desk fans in my direction to make a point. FML

#21241122
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37058) - you deserved it (10070)

On 08/19/2014 at 5:54pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my new doctor gave me a breast exam and said everything was healthy, before adding "Well, I think so, anyway. I don't actually work here." As I freaked out, he laughed out loud, said he was just kidding, and that he should prescribe me a chill pill. FML

#21241090
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41523) - you deserved it (5685)

On 08/19/2014 at 4:46pm - health - by humdrummitydrum (woman) - United States

Today, I went to a café and got some soup. When I was done, a nice waiter came over and offered to take my mostly empty soup bowl. I quickly at the last of it, looked up smiling and said "thanks". The soup dribbled out of my mouth and onto his hand. FML

#21237898
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34844) - you deserved it (9904)

On 08/15/2014 at 1:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to my new gynecologist. He has an eye twitch, and every time he asks about my genitals, he winks at me. FML

#21237829
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39077) - you deserved it (3196)

On 08/14/2014 at 11:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, it was a hot day and a woman walking in front of me collapsed. I helped her up, and I called an ambulance while she laid down. While we waited, two teenage girls walked past and I heard one say to the other, "I love how this city just lets people tan wherever". FML

#21237053
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38574) - you deserved it (2562)

On 08/13/2014 at 11:02pm - kids - by Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

#21235845
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38780) - you deserved it (23952)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by not a dick-man (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while I was working customer support, a lady hung up on me mid-sentence, and I trailed off, saying "…aaannnddd you hung up on me like a bitch." Turned out she was still on the line and had just accidentally hit mute. FML

#21232769
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23436) - you deserved it (35991)

On 08/08/2014 at 8:16pm - work - by suspended (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, one of my customer's pipes were blocked. As I went to unblock it, about a handful of used condoms collided with my face. I don't know if I should be disgusted by this or disgusted by my customer. FML

#21231545
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43567) - you deserved it (3828)

On 08/07/2014 at 5:09am - intimacy - by failallday (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found out the hard way that no good girlfriend-boyfriend conversation ever started with, "Suppose I slept with your best friend..." FML

#21229506
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39885) - you deserved it (8290)

On 08/04/2014 at 7:04pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML

#21228111
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49083) - you deserved it (21222)

On 08/03/2014 at 1:16am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML

#21225778
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38648) - you deserved it (6702)

On 07/31/2014 at 12:24pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)



Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML
  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you know any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

Friday 19 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: