Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

haveyou000

Offline (9 hours ago) | Search for a member

haveyou000

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Monday 15 August 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 140
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

haveyou000's page activity

Visits<b>Schizomaniac</b> - the 05/31/2014 at 4:34pm<b>Sebastian2022</b> - the 05/11/2014 at 4:37am<b>nialls_princess1</b> - the 03/21/2014 at 7:59pm<b>Nevracceptdefeat</b> - the 03/19/2014 at 6:51pm<b>lisaint</b> - the 03/19/2014 at 3:23pm<b>DJisHere11</b> - the 03/18/2014 at 4:13pm<b>Wolverine33</b> - the 03/18/2014 at 9:26am<b>acidicthinking</b> - the 03/18/2014 at 2:39am<b>Bulldozer36</b> - the 03/18/2014 at 12:18am<b>chrisseesyou</b> - the 03/17/2014 at 9:23pm<b>Wizardo</b> - the 03/17/2014 at 8:33pm<b>Federgirl</b> - the 03/17/2014 at 7:31pm<b>MxAxRxCxO</b> - the 03/17/2014 at 7:01pm<b>Alexeon</b> - the 03/17/2014 at 6:08pm<b>tmac815</b> - the 03/12/2014 at 11:47pm<b>thebob808</b> - the 03/06/2014 at 6:13pm<b>tranced_</b> - the 03/06/2014 at 3:03pm<b>matt300</b> - the 03/06/2014 at 2:34pm

haveyou000's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of haveyou000's badges

haveyou000's favorite FMLs

Today, I was playing Mario Kart with my wife. I threw a blue shell and it hit her. She then refused to speak to me for three hours straight until right before bedtime when she called me a bastard and told me to sleep on the couch. FML

#21244858
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35156) - you deserved it (5970)

On 08/25/2014 at 1:44am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had some painful gas at work, so I tried to silently ease it out. It was silent all right; silent, and so deadly that someone exclaimed, "What the fuck?!" My coworkers traced it back to me. Now they're all pointing their mini desk fans in my direction to make a point. FML

#21241122
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35604) - you deserved it (9809)

On 08/19/2014 at 5:54pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my new doctor gave me a breast exam and said everything was healthy, before adding "Well, I think so, anyway. I don't actually work here." As I freaked out, he laughed out loud, said he was just kidding, and that he should prescribe me a chill pill. FML

#21241090
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39546) - you deserved it (5611)

On 08/19/2014 at 4:46pm - health - by humdrummitydrum (woman) - United States

Today, I went to a café and got some soup. When I was done, a nice waiter came over and offered to take my mostly empty soup bowl. I quickly at the last of it, looked up smiling and said "thanks". The soup dribbled out of my mouth and onto his hand. FML

#21237898
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33919) - you deserved it (9499)

On 08/15/2014 at 1:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to my new gynecologist. He has an eye twitch, and every time he asks about my genitals, he winks at me. FML

#21237829
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37467) - you deserved it (3138)

On 08/14/2014 at 11:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, it was a hot day and a woman walking in front of me collapsed. I helped her up, and I called an ambulance while she laid down. While we waited, two teenage girls walked past and I heard one say to the other, "I love how this city just lets people tan wherever". FML

#21237053
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37853) - you deserved it (2548)

On 08/13/2014 at 11:02pm - kids - by Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

#21235845
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37273) - you deserved it (22838)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by not a dick-man (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while I was working customer support, a lady hung up on me mid-sentence, and I trailed off, saying "…aaannnddd you hung up on me like a bitch." Turned out she was still on the line and had just accidentally hit mute. FML

#21232769
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23329) - you deserved it (35828)

On 08/08/2014 at 8:16pm - work - by suspended (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, one of my customer's pipes were blocked. As I went to unblock it, about a handful of used condoms collided with my face. I don't know if I should be disgusted by this or disgusted by my customer. FML

#21231545
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42526) - you deserved it (3581)

On 08/07/2014 at 5:09am - intimacy - by failallday (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found out the hard way that no good girlfriend-boyfriend conversation ever started with, "Suppose I slept with your best friend..." FML

#21229506
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38988) - you deserved it (7857)

On 08/04/2014 at 7:04pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML

#21228111
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48633) - you deserved it (21131)

On 08/03/2014 at 1:16am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML

#21225778
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38567) - you deserved it (6693)

On 07/31/2014 at 12:24pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was pulled over for distracted driving. I'd been eating a donut. Let's just say the officer didn't appreciate being offered one. FML

#21223797
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39582) - you deserved it (13842)

On 07/29/2014 at 2:20pm - misc - by fatty magoo - United States (Washington)

Today, I was doing a design sketch for work. I snapped a pic and sent it to my boss. She replied, "Impressive. Nice sketch too." I was drawing at home, naked. My dick was in the picture. FML

Today, I had a rough day and was extremely tired. I took a nap on the couch, and woke up to a guy robbing my house. I pretended I was still sleeping, waiting a chance to grab him or run out safely. I ended up falling back asleep. FML

#21219246
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41496) - you deserved it (21355)

On 07/24/2014 at 11:59am - misc - by FML - United States (Virginia)



FML's blog

  • AD_e's Illustrated FML
  • Hi gang ! It's Friday once more and time for us to go on a magical mystery tour around the brain of yet another illustrator. This week, things have happened around the world that were so depressing, I don't…

Monday 18 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: