About hauptubel : If I knew I only had one day to live I would eat dutch cheese and drink red wine just because I can. Sublime rocks
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I took a friend home from the hospital. She was on medication that made her drowsy. She fell onto her bed and asked me to help her take off some clothes since she had her winter gear on. She passes out and her roommate walks in and catches me undressing an unconscious girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26976) - you deserved it (2082)
On 12/24/2009 at 1:09am - love - by Nemesis2747 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I came home from work and found my house egged, and bricks thrown through my windows. I called the police, and submitted a report. Later that night, I heard the doorbell ring. Nobody was at the house, but there was a note saying "Sorry, wrong house". FML
I agree, your life sucks (33709) - you deserved it (1279)
On 10/01/2009 at 2:43am - misc - by egged (man) - Singapore - moderated by Kevin Nealon
Today, I got very dressed up and was excited for my uncle's wedding. While standing in line for photos, I heard my dad's voice from behind me say "Who's the hot chick in the brown dress?" My uncle responds "Uh, that's your daughter." Silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (61116) - you deserved it (3615)
On 07/23/2009 at 12:26am - misc - by Rory (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML
I agree, your life sucks (50246) - you deserved it (39079)
On 05/16/2009 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by madzlovesgee (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter". FML
I agree, your life sucks (22092) - you deserved it (59281)
On 05/14/2009 at 1:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)
Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML
I agree, your life sucks (140785) - you deserved it (32146)
On 05/02/2009 at 2:28am - work - by Dunzo15 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was using the elliptical when I got a bad wedgie. All the ellipticals are up against a wall so after trying to pick it I finally decided to just pull down the back of my pants and underwear. I then remembered there was a window to a yoga class behind me. I mooned them all. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8668) - you deserved it (43147)
On 03/13/2009 at 12:26am - misc - by MikeyPeters - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob, which I don't normally do because I have a fear of getting hit in the eye. Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bit the wrong spot and had lemon juice shoot right into my eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23427) - you deserved it (67215)
On 02/21/2009 at 9:07pm - intimacy - by svet (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I gave my girlfriend some non-alcoholic beer as a joke. In slurred speech, she told me I have the body of a monk seal. She then took my keys, staggered to my car, and drove away. She crashed into a tree two blocks later. She's fine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16811) - you deserved it (21888)
On 02/06/2009 at 6:54pm - misc - by IntimidatorStag (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was finally able to get to know a girl at university who I'd been eyeing up for months. We had a nice conversation. We discovered that we live in the same area, and so we talked about that. I told her that the little restaurant under my house was really disgusting. Her parents own it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20125) - you deserved it (7575)
On 11/21/2008 at 12:40am - misc - by lpilou - Sent from mobile version
Monday 20 May 2013
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