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happyface92

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happyface92

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  • Number of visits : 1608
  • Number of comments : 2
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happyface92's favorite FMLs

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

#19959363
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11242) - you deserved it (37807)

On 07/19/2012 at 2:55pm - misc - by Bontempi (man) - France

Today, I noticed that my son only really looks like me when he's straining to take a dump. FML

#19835605
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18666) - you deserved it (3500)

On 06/23/2012 at 8:10pm - kids - by Gremlin (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I brought my 90-year-old grandfather into school for a project that required to bring in "a first-hand account" of the Great Depression. He started off by telling the class how in his day, they "threw rocks at black people." FML

#19608717
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27327) - you deserved it (3903)

On 05/11/2012 at 7:52pm - misc - by Class (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was humming the Star Wars theme song while on the bus. When my stop came I walked down the aisle only to hear a girl mutter, "The virginity is strong in this one." She's right. FML

#19249399
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22960) - you deserved it (18526)

On 03/10/2012 at 1:50am - misc - by starboy - United States (California)

Today, my husband sat me down on the couch so he could share some "awesome" news with me. He excitedly declared that he and his idiot drinking buddies are planning on running a real-life Fight Club out of our basement. FML

#19247748
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23641) - you deserved it (2877)

On 03/09/2012 at 9:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my dad made me deliver a welcoming cake to our new neighbors. While I was making small-talk, I saw him climb over their backyard fence. A minute later, he climbed back over, with a plastic deck-chair in hand. I feel like an accessory to the pettiest theft in history. FML

#19205333
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23216) - you deserved it (1907)

On 03/02/2012 at 9:24pm - misc - by wtf dad (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was very cold and tired, so I took a shower to warm up and went to bed. The minute I hopped into bed, it collapsed and broke. I have spent half-an-hour rearranging furniture to get the mattress on to the floor. Now I'm cold again. FML

#19173617
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20862) - you deserved it (2886)

On 02/27/2012 at 7:36am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, an African-American family came into the restaurant at which I work. They said, "Jackson, party of 5." After I laughed, I realized they were serious. FML

#19166851
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17200) - you deserved it (29527)

On 02/26/2012 at 10:31am - work - by Miss_Kristen - United States (Missouri)

Today, I gave myself a hernia while farting. FML

#19152060
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21999) - you deserved it (6576)

On 02/24/2012 at 3:40am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, we had our whole staff photo. We all had to stand up in rows in height order, as I'm tall I had to stand in the middle, at the back. I'm horribly claustrophobic and ended up fainting in front of 100 colleagues, taking down 4 people around me. FML

#19144680
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23098) - you deserved it (3185)

On 02/23/2012 at 7:11am - work - by photofaint - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my dad threw a waffle at my face for his own amusement. FML

#19144211
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25024) - you deserved it (5868)

On 02/23/2012 at 3:00am - misc - by ZeroApostle4Ever - United States

Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "the Fuckinator." FML

#19136346
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34175) - you deserved it (4991)

On 02/22/2012 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to tell my wife that the new "vegan" diet she has put us on is not working with my body. It's not the horrible gas, hot shits, or constant hunger that made me realize this. It was the dream I had about fried chicken that did. FML

#19134075
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23001) - you deserved it (2813)

On 02/21/2012 at 8:29pm - misc - by kohler9790 - United States

Today, my family started their own version of the Hunger Games. With farts as their ammo, they've been tackling and gassing everyone until their victim "dies" by surrendering. My house is a flatulent war zone, and I fear waking up blind. FML

#19109077
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24909) - you deserved it (2471)

On 02/18/2012 at 5:22pm - health - by district12 (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, I went to an extended family reunion. I started chatting to my great grandpa, and he asked me what I do for a living. Before I could tell him I breed animals, my visibly drunk dad interrupted and slurred, "Oh, she jacks things off. Horses, pigs, just about anything, really." FML

#19102316
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26346) - you deserved it (3512)

On 02/17/2012 at 7:13pm - intimacy - by -_- (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)



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