happy_giraffe

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Offline (the 06/22/2016 at 8:39am)

happy_giraffe

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 480
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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happy_giraffe's page activity

Visits<b>Leigghhh</b> - the 01/08/2015 at 3:06pm<b>sarah5745</b> - the 12/17/2014 at 4:27am<b>Alicestraza</b> - the 09/03/2014 at 4:20am<b>spork_of_doom</b> - the 08/06/2014 at 1:39am<b>SingingWolf</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 1:46pm<b>WhatsYOURname6</b> - the 06/28/2014 at 2:06am<b>katydid91</b> - the 05/26/2014 at 1:47am<b>briang959</b> - the 05/20/2014 at 3:07pm<b>JuzReading</b> - the 05/16/2014 at 10:14pm<b>LadyQuantum7</b> - the 05/09/2014 at 4:10pm<b>Fuaaad1994</b> - the 05/02/2014 at 8:07am<b>cba7</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 4:02pm<b>xxButtersxx</b> - the 04/27/2014 at 5:47pm<b>askantik</b> - the 04/23/2014 at 4:50pm<b>Alexis32</b> - the 04/04/2014 at 4:11pm<b>AHotCupOfCoffee</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 12:42pm<b>Rajni_dev</b> - the 03/21/2014 at 10:37am<b>Zoeythedinosaur</b> - the 03/19/2014 at 10:33pm

happy_giraffe's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of happy_giraffe's badges

happy_giraffe's favorite FMLs

Today, while walking to work, I sneezed so violently that I slipped on a patch of ice and hit the ground hard, badly spraining my shoulder. I lay there in agony as a pair of bystanders just stood there, laughing their asses off. FML

by Anonymous / 01/19/2015 at 5:07pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I walked into my house and saw it was flooded. I went upstairs to the bathroom to see the toilet overflowing and my boyfriend holding my dog over it so he could drink it. My boyfriend said he didn't know what else to do. FML

by anonymous / 10/16/2014 at 4:53pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

by facepalm / 10/15/2014 at 7:36pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I dropped my kid into a crowded wishing fountain instead of a coin. FML

by jake / 08/12/2014 at 6:21am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, a new session started for my swimming squad. I walked down to the pool, tripped over a stray equipment bag, and belly-flopped into the pool in front of everyone, fully clothed. I'm the coach. FML

by Anonymous / 07/31/2014 at 1:00am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

by soundslikeadumbcommentersituation / 07/11/2014 at 4:34pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML

by bad in the sack / 07/05/2014 at 12:26am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML

by Anonymous / 05/21/2014 at 12:05pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my guide dog sneezed so hard that it slammed its head on the floor and knocked itself out. I have to trust this dog with my life. FML

by Anonymous / 04/20/2014 at 12:03am / United States (Idaho) / Animals

Today, my neighbor yelled at me because, according to him, the sound of me scraping the ice off my windshield wakes him up every morning. This is the same neighbor who ran over my mailbox last week because there was too much snow on his windows to see properly. FML

by IcyWindows / 03/31/2014 at 10:03pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally finished watching Dexter. I was more disappointed by the finale than the picture I later received of my girlfriend cheating on me. FML

by disappointed / 03/25/2014 at 7:36am / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous

Today, after getting back from my interior design class, I told my husband that I learned the golden rule for home decor: "Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful." He looked at me dead in the eyes, and didn't say a word. FML

by housedoctor / 02/22/2014 at 6:01am / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Love

Today, I had satanic gastric distress. Attempting to make light of this fact, and, being incredibly bored and seemingly alone at work, I managed to fart the intro to "Smoke on the Water" perfectly. Somebody clapped. FML

by Charlie529 / 02/19/2014 at 10:30am / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, out of boredom, I built my cat a little fort. Later, I decided to crawl inside to pet her, but as soon as I stuck my head in, she clawed me. I guess I'm not allowed in, then. FML

by unloved cat owner / 02/15/2014 at 7:50pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I had an upset stomach all day at work. When lunch break came, I rushed to the bathroom. Just as I turned into an unstoppable human whoopie cushion, a co-worker walked in. He heard the entire arse symphony, and just asked "What the fuck, dude?!" as he left. FML

by Anonymous / 01/30/2014 at 5:46pm / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Work