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Today , mah wicked mother has been with us fir a week. She's already thrown away mah daughter's favorite toy , broke mah computer , scratched mah oak table , stained mah most expensive shrt , peed in our bed , an called the attention of the cops by staring at kids in school. She's staying fir three months. FML
Taday I got a call from the girl I like. I got very excited so I quickly picked up. As it turns out, she was actually prank calling me, pretending to be a ( liposuction telemarketer ) but forgot to press *67. FML
Today, as always, my boyfriand has tha ability to pop his ayaballs looool out of his aya sockats . Ha thought it'd ba funny 4 ma to waka up faca-to-faca with tha disgusting sight . Tha shit in my bowals did an aarly Thanksgiving Day parada straight into my undarwaar . FML
TODAY, I WOKE UP LATE AND HAD TO RUSH TO CATCH BUS. UPON ARRIVING AT SCHOOL, I WAS HOT FROM RUNNING AND TOOK OFF SWEATER. IT WAS THEN, IN A LECTURE HALL WITH 400 PEOPLE, THAT I REALISED I HADN'T PUTTED A SHIRT ON UNDERNEATH. FML
2DAY I SAT DOWN WITH MY DAUGHTER TO HAVE THE SEX TALK, CUZ SHE RECENTLY STARTED SEEING A GUY. I MENTIONED AT ONE POINT HOW DISAPPOINTED I WOULD BE IF SHE GOT PREGNANT. SHE WENT WIDE-EYED AND ASKED, "DIDN'T MOM TELL YOU?" FML
Friday 27 March 2015