About hand1234 : Hey all you people my name is Kel I love One Direction ( Nialls my fav along with Liam) Katy Perry and Rascal Flats. I love to eat play guitar dance and practice on my drawing skills but yea this me thanks
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hand1234's favorite FMLs
Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML
by assholecat / 10/10/2012 at 4:43am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
by lbelle / 10/07/2012 at 7:39pm / Canada (Quebec) / Health
by :$ / 08/06/2012 at 6:08pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, one of the human turds that I stupidly added on Facebook posted how terrible her life is after her dad refused to arrange yet another holiday for her this year, so I bitched her out for being such a spoiled little brat. A few hours later, her boyfriend came over and beat the shit out of me. FML
by Anonymous / 08/01/2012 at 4:59pm / United Kingdom (Bedfordshire) / Health
by Coffee Boy / 06/23/2012 at 12:55am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
by somebody / 06/08/2012 at 7:13pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my sister, knowing that I'm terrified of his face, taped a picture of Michael Jackson over our toilet. When I entered the washroom, I sprinted back out screaming. Minutes later, while in the shower, I happened to glance up at the ceiling. Guess who was grinning down at me. FML
by ugh / 06/08/2012 at 12:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got into a fight with my mom over the chores, and stormed out. When I returned later, I found the house had been egged. My mom told my dad she saw me do it, and he won't believe my side of the story. He says I'll be lucky if I see sunlight this summer. FML
by cl3v3l4nd5t34m3r / 06/04/2012 at 4:34pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by jemila / 05/31/2012 at 9:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked in on my new puppy peeing on the carpet. The trainer had told me to punish her when she's bad by shaking a metal can of pennies at her, since the noise scares dogs. I shook it at her, and she responded by having explosive diarrhea all over the carpet in fright. FML
by doggone / 05/05/2012 at 7:07pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
Today, I was working at the local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumbles in, grabs two cases of beer and puts them on the counter. Then she grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it right there, shows me, and says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML
by viviham / 05/04/2012 at 8:08am / United States (Texas) / Work
by NoPrivacy / 04/26/2012 at 6:44am / United States / Work
Today, I woke up sweating and gasping for air after having a terrible nightmare. The nightmare involved my deceased mother-in-law bitching me out for being a bad influence on her daughter and threatening to cut my nuts off. Even in death, she won't leave me be. FML
by lanu / 03/13/2012 at 12:13pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I called my wife from work to check in on her because she's eight months pregnant. She didn't answer. Instead she showed up at my work hysterically crying and screaming, "You don't love me because I'm a fat whale!" She then knocked everything off my desk. FML
by Tristan Brantley / 03/11/2012 at 3:36am / United States (California) / Love
- Today, my boyfriend and I had amazing make-up sex after a huge fight. Turns out he forgot to let me… Today, my boyfriend texted me, saying, "I'm running a bath. Wanna come over and learn about water… Today, I found out why my cell phone has been going missing every night for the last few months. My…