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hamburgerjung

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hamburgerjung

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hamburgerjung's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of hamburgerjung's badges

hamburgerjung's favorite FMLs

Today, I confronted my girlfriend after catching her cheating on me. After she finished crying, she had the brass balls to say she'd understand if I needed a couple of weeks to forgive her, and asked me for bus fare so she could go tell the other guy they could only be friends now. FML

#21280490
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30950) - you deserved it (2635)

On 10/18/2014 at 2:44pm - love - by yee-whore (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I overheard my brother telling his friend that having sex with a girl who's on the pill gives the guy female hormones and "turns you into like, half-chick, half-dude." He was serious. How am I related to this moron? FML

#21270200
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32722) - you deserved it (2426)

On 10/03/2014 at 4:43pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went into an exam room to do a check-up on one of my patients. I told the little girl's mother that she needed her flu shots. When the girl heard this, she took an apple out of her pocket and threw it at me. FML

#21267077
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31994) - you deserved it (3545)

On 09/28/2014 at 3:26pm - health - by jazzie7719 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was asked to order a new lockable cash tin for work. When my boss returned to ask which one I'd selected, I said, "An 8-inch black one". Her giggle said it all. FML

#21265697
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30805) - you deserved it (5755)

On 09/26/2014 at 9:03am - work - by dicksonthebrain (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I had a garage sale, and had amongst my clothing a few sets of underwear. A old man came up and asked to buy all of them. I'm so poor, I couldn't say no to the pervert. FML

#21262480
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34221) - you deserved it (6956)

On 09/21/2014 at 2:23pm - money - by sickened (woman) - United Kingdom (Gateshead)

Today, some assface hacked my recently deceased friend's Facebook account. The person changed my friend's location to "Hell", then posted a status saying how hot the weather was, and replied "I wish :'(" to someone who'd said my friend was in a better place now. FML

#21257037
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43133) - you deserved it (2710)

On 09/12/2014 at 5:11pm - misc - by he's not the one going to hell (man) - Australia

Today, my college did a fire drill, and instructions were given by intercom in English and Spanish. The guy beside me mused: "If they say it in English and Mexican, why not say it in Black too?" That guy is my idiot brother, and he was dead serious. Sometimes I think our parents are related. FML

#21257016
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35272) - you deserved it (2921)

On 09/12/2014 at 4:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while finally about to make love with my long term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

#21249014
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44444) - you deserved it (4464)

On 08/31/2014 at 11:14am - intimacy - by anon - United States (Texas)

Today, my sister felt guilty and told me about the changes she secretly made to my résumé months ago. She'd put "doing your mom" and "corporate espionage" as my hobbies, and "Justin Bieber's pussy waxer" as a previous job. No wonder I'm still unemployed. FML

#21244565
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39943) - you deserved it (7257)

On 08/24/2014 at 5:50pm - work - by fuck you, tasha (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I found out my girlfriend doesn't really take flute lessons after all. In related news, every time my best friend supposedly drives her to flute lessons, he's actually taking her to his house for a different kind of activity. FML

#21243834
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49396) - you deserved it (5609)

On 08/23/2014 at 2:16pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out that my wife of 12 years has slept with the workmen we've had working on our long term building project. They call her the "quickie queen". FML

#21226819
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53837) - you deserved it (3647)

On 08/01/2014 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, my fiancé said "Rachel" instead of my name when asked to repeat, "I take thee, Emily, to be my lawfully wedded wife." I was shocked, so he explained while laughing that he doesn't even know a Rachel. He ruined our wedding for a Friends quote. FML

Today, I was doing a design sketch for work. I snapped a pic and sent it to my boss. She replied, "Impressive. Nice sketch too." I was drawing at home, naked. My dick was in the picture. FML

Today, I went on a date with an extremely cute girl. About 30 minutes in, she excused herself to the restroom. I waited for about 20 minutes, then I got up and left. About 10 minutes later, she called asking where I was. FML

Today, I ran into a good friend at work. I work at a jail. She doesn't. FML

#21211411
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51314) - you deserved it (4206)

On 07/16/2014 at 11:51pm - misc - by Is that..? - United States (Colorado)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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