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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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halolord01

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halolord01
  • Town/Country : boston, u.s.a.
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 22 September 1990 (21 years)
  • Number of visits : 2390
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Today, my Dad married his fiancée, who insists I call her "mom". I'm three years older than her, and went to the same high school. She's taking me shopping next week to buy me something "nice". FML

#16293589 (330)

I agree, your life sucks (58312) - you deserved it (2527)

On 05/22/2011 at 5:31am - misc - by quickfingers100 - United Kingdom

Today, my mom said she wanted me to get laser eye surgery before she did, "Just in case it isn't safe." FML

#16158783 (130)

I agree, your life sucks (25721) - you deserved it (1752)

On 05/13/2011 at 3:18pm - health - by samadams42 - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, while making love to my wife, I let slip her sister's name. I don't think it would calm her down much if I told the truth: I was actually thinking of an ex girlfriend who shares the same name. FML

#16157723 (256)

I agree, your life sucks (8428) - you deserved it (42308)

On 05/13/2011 at 1:08pm - intimacy - by scalmon - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was pulled over by a cop. He asked for my license and registration so I reached for my center console. I was then greeted with a gun to my ear because my coffee cup supposedly looked like a gun. I stepped out of my car to apologize and I was hit with a big stick. FML

#16152690 (217)

I agree, your life sucks (30509) - you deserved it (6065)

On 05/13/2011 at 12:02am - misc - by phant776 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I wore a Super Mario Brothers T-shirt to school that showed a picture of Mario with a mushroom above his head. I got suspended for "referencing illegal drugs". FML

#16125377 (175)

I agree, your life sucks (35072) - you deserved it (3351)

On 05/11/2011 at 12:10am - misc - by Sola -

Today, my dad texted me while I was in school saying, "Your cat vomited. Covered it up with a bowl so you can clean it when you come home." FML

#16117188 (243)

I agree, your life sucks (26817) - you deserved it (5198)

On 05/10/2011 at 12:37pm - animals - by coolbeans123 (woman) - Singapore

Today, my 12 year old son came home from school and informed me that he bought an air guitar for $20. He honestly thinks this is a good price. FML

#16113855 (255)

I agree, your life sucks (24895) - you deserved it (8796)

On 05/10/2011 at 1:18am - kids - by Whatdididowrong? -

Today, I locked myself in the bathroom and started spanking the ferret. I started to get really into it when my dad started pounding on the door and yelled, "Son, that's great staying power, but can you finish up already?" FML

#16068047 (195)

I agree, your life sucks (9554) - you deserved it (33671)

On 05/06/2011 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Saudi Arabia

Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML

#12663575 (276)

I agree, your life sucks (35971) - you deserved it (10383)

On 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by mc_dreamy - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my condo board refused to lift the new policy requiring pet owners to carry dogs in common areas because someone's dog is peeing in the hall. I can't physically carry my two dogs, so I'm now forced to wheel them through the building in a borrowed baby stroller. FML

#6351761 (78)

I agree, your life sucks (20760) - you deserved it (2422)

On 11/18/2009 at 4:50am - animals - by Slivered - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I called my mother who is vacationing in Florida with my dad and sister. Before they left I told them I would be very responsible and that they could trust me. The first thing she asked me is if all the animals were still alive. I said yes. I lied. Her favourite cat drowned in the pool. FML

#6325781 (111)

I agree, your life sucks (6113) - you deserved it (23303)

On 11/16/2009 at 12:11pm - animals - by baddaughter (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I went to pick my date up at her house. When I got to the door, her dad answered. We talked for a little bit and he told me to take his 1958 Corvette. I politely refused and he told me, "If I can trust you with my daughter, I can trust you with my car." I crashed into his mailbox. FML

#6322729 (103)

I agree, your life sucks (12793) - you deserved it (23738)

On 11/16/2009 at 2:32am - love - by Manstobe92 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I stood in line for one hour to get a new phone. It then took me 2 minutes to drop it and shatter the screen, and 2 seconds for the employee to look at, laugh, and tell me, "That Sucks." FML

#6322699 (72)

I agree, your life sucks (9376) - you deserved it (17487)

On 11/16/2009 at 2:29am - misc - by bananaface (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that my dad has been having an affair. With my formerly favorite teacher. The best part? Yesterday, she announced to the class that she was pregnant. I clapped and congratulated her. FML

#6318893 (87)

I agree, your life sucks (33117) - you deserved it (1283)

On 11/15/2009 at 10:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that I'm going to be a mother. This was a mystery, since I take birth control and use condoms all the time. Or, at least, it was, until my mother admitted to swapping my pills and poking holes in my condoms so she could have a grandchild before she died. FML

#6316031 (136)

I agree, your life sucks (46767) - you deserved it (2378)

On 11/15/2009 at 7:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)