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halcyon93's FML badges
Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
halcyon93's favorite FMLs
Today, two aggressive police officers appeared at my door informing me that a complaint was filed about my 18 year-old son having "inappropriate relations" with a 16 year-old. We live in England. I had to Google the law to prove to them this was legal. FML
by Confuseddad / 02/16/2016 at 5:17pm / United Kingdom / Kids
by wet dreams / 02/12/2016 at 12:46pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
by tooembarrassed / 02/12/2016 at 10:13am / Australia (Queensland) / Health
by cassie0216 / 02/01/2016 at 11:17pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dick of a roommate was moving out. She didn't actually tell us she was moving out and took the wifi, modem and all, while my other roommate was on a Skype call and I was watching a show. All with no warning. It's Saturday, I have an online assignment due Sunday. FML
by slightlyfamous / 01/17/2016 at 8:59am / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend dumped me for another guy by text. I felt so betrayed, I stupidly tried to hurt her by replying that I'd been cheating on her all along with a hot babe. Turned out the dumping text was actually a prank by her friend. Now I'm single and everyone thinks I'm a cheater. FML
by Anonymous / 01/16/2016 at 12:04am / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/20/2015 at 9:43am / United States (Texas) / Love
by frediqqq / 02/25/2015 at 11:21pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by failuretolaunch2 / 02/25/2015 at 10:31pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, just to win a bet against my mum that he could make me scream like a bitch, my dad faked his own suicide. He went the whole mile: fake blood everywhere, fake gun, yelling "Goodbye!" and playing a loud gunshot sound effect from his PC, everything. My dad won; my underwear lost. FML
by pissed out pants / 01/18/2015 at 4:58pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl, the love of his life, whom he's always considered pure, turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better not come hanging round the house. Pussy, two years old, is now housebound until her kittens are born. FML
by Anonyme / 09/26/2014 at 2:56am / France (Lorraine) / Animals
Today, I was out with my girlfriend at a club. As a slow dance began, a guy approached and asked, "May I cut in?" My girlfriend surprised me by saying, "Sure!" As I was about to protest, the guy cut me off and said, "Sorry miss, I was asking him." FML
by Anonymous / 02/13/2014 at 8:31pm / United States / Love
by fartz / 08/31/2013 at 2:04am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML
by Anonymous / 05/28/2013 at 12:37pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, a friend informed me that my dog's name means "penis" in Greek. I live in a predominantly Greek neighbourhood, and apparently I've been screaming for "dong" every evening for the past 3 years. No wonder they don't talk to me much. FML
by Dog_Lover / 12/18/2012 at 10:30am / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the… Today, on my way home to Bordeaux after a weekend in Paris, I had the pleasure of being sat next to… Today, I was in a taxi in Mexico. The driver got fed up with the traffic and decided to cross the…