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habez

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habez

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 197
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About habez : Hey, and I'm not a human, I'm a unicorn!!!!!

habez's page activity

Visits<b>andyhitts25</b> - the 01/14/2014 at 1:54pm<b>flupsht</b> - the 12/29/2013 at 8:30pm<b>Tommiix</b> - the 12/01/2013 at 10:30pm

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habez's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to explain to my mother that faith healing will not work on plumbing. FML

Today, I had sex with a guy wearing a KFC uniform. Hat included. FML

#20877518
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22186) - you deserved it (67232)

On 09/11/2013 at 8:16pm - intimacy - by lyfisdyno - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I was at an amusement park with my kids, when a girl in line next to us slipped a hand down her boyfriend's pants and started groping him. I politely asked her to stop, to which she snorted, "Why? Your kids've gotta learn the birds and bees somehow." FML

#20852966
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47288) - you deserved it (4103)

On 08/24/2013 at 10:46pm - kids - by pda (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for "cheating" on him by using a vibrator. FML

#20851263
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52704) - you deserved it (15709)

On 08/23/2013 at 7:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I finally realized that when my seemingly very judgmental fiancé makes negative comments about other women, it's actually just an excuse to keep ogling them. FML

#20761657
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38587) - you deserved it (5430)

On 07/03/2013 at 1:35pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to eat up a few specks of toilet paper to avoid spoiling "the moment" with my girlfriend. FML

#20692661
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63480) - you deserved it (13976)

On 05/29/2013 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was bitched out by my supervisor because of my lack of "customer service" skills. I work at a jail and all my "customers" are criminals. FML

#20152272
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22041) - you deserved it (4008)

On 11/07/2012 at 12:48am - work - by jailofc (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML

#20105380
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30511) - you deserved it (6417)

On 10/07/2012 at 6:25am - intimacy - by SoSexy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend came before I'd even unbuttoned my pants. FML

#16877997
349 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54926) - you deserved it (7100)

On 06/27/2011 at 4:56am - intimacy - by Username - United States

Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML

#15627116
290 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46687) - you deserved it (13854)

On 04/03/2011 at 9:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, to enhance our sex life, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex in our local mall's parking lot. The feeling of getting caught is fun and exhilarating. Until you actually get caught. FML

#14845323
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10718) - you deserved it (48629)

On 02/04/2011 at 10:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. When I orgasmed, my leg flew out and I accidentally kicked him in the balls. For the next ten minutes, he lay in the fetal position. FML

#14161331
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26418) - you deserved it (19050)

On 12/11/2010 at 1:00am - intimacy - by caligirl921 - United States

Today, I drunkenly hooked up with my friend's cousin. After trying to stick his finger up my butt, he blacked out on top of me with his penis still hard inside me. I tried yelling his name and pushing him off, with no success. I ended up having to call my friend to help me. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have sex for the first time. Not only did he struggle for five minutes to put on a condom (repeatedly snapping himself in the balls), but he then had to ask me "which hole" to put it in. I'm dating a thirty-four year old virgin. FML

#7467261
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26190) - you deserved it (5428)

On 01/21/2010 at 12:02am - intimacy - by Alicia (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my 11 year old brother walked in on me sitting on my boyfriend's ass and giving him a back massage. He tilted his head a little and then said "Aren't you guys doing it wrong? Isn't he supposed to be on top?" My boyfriend laughed and gave him a high-five. FML

#560138
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (97237) - you deserved it (30146)

On 03/23/2009 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by SLA (woman) - United States (Maryland)



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