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h0lycalamity

Offline (the 09/27/2014 at 4:46am) | Search for a member

h0lycalamity

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 516
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About h0lycalamity : I'm Alex. I like the ladies. I'm super obsessed with Jennifer Lawrence. I'm a full time student at UNM studying to be a nurse. So that covers the basics I suppose.

h0lycalamity's page activity

Visits<b>awesomepantTamia</b> - the 02/10/2014 at 9:52pm<b>larson15</b> - the 06/05/2013 at 8:49pm

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h0lycalamity's favorite FMLs

Today, as I was lying in my bed eating my dinner, my roommate says to me: "I don't know how to say this, but we need more towels. The room is flooding." FML

#21264230
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26655) - you deserved it (2205)

On 09/24/2014 at 12:10am - misc - by youonlyneed2squares (woman) -

Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML

#21260355
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39782) - you deserved it (4296)

On 09/17/2014 at 11:14pm - love - by HappilyNeverAfter - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my blind date turned out to be my gynecologist. FML

#21229613
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47675) - you deserved it (3706)

On 08/04/2014 at 10:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend interrupted my proposal to take a selfie with the ice cream I had just bought her. She then said no. FML

#21227229
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53842) - you deserved it (5462)

On 08/02/2014 at 12:00am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I won a big raffle. However, my name is so ridiculous-sounding that they thought someone was playing a prank, and pulled a different ticket. I was too embarrassed to say anything. FML

#21227005
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39801) - you deserved it (11196)

On 08/01/2014 at 7:10pm - misc - by infortunatename - United States (California)

Today, my fiancé said "Rachel" instead of my name when asked to repeat, "I take thee, Emily, to be my lawfully wedded wife." I was shocked, so he explained while laughing that he doesn't even know a Rachel. He ruined our wedding for a Friends quote. FML

Today, while out grocery shopping with my mother, she asked me to hold a large bag of rice for her. Ten minutes later, I realized I'd been absent-mindedly stroking it the whole time, just like when I pick up my cat. FML

Today, I had my third date with a lovely guy. After I got home, I figured I'd try to see if I could find his Facebook profile. I did. His pictures were nice; lovely wedding photos for sure, and his newborn baby is adorable. FML

#21207995
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54525) - you deserved it (4413)

On 07/13/2014 at 2:34pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, my boss called me to inform me that I'm being laid off. In my ensuing fit of rage, I deleted the recent project I've been working on for weeks. Pretty soon after, he called me back to let me know it was a prank. FML

#21207207
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43496) - you deserved it (15019)

On 07/12/2014 at 5:11pm - work - by Workhorse - United States (Ohio)

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

#21206177
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40225) - you deserved it (6110)

On 07/11/2014 at 4:34pm - health - by soundslikeadumbcommentersituation (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to explain what "cashback" was to a customer. She called me a liar and wanted to talk to a manager because she felt I made up the concept. I'm the manager. She wouldn't believe me and waited in the store for an hour. Apparently this is what a Masters degree gets me. FML

#21194527
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46837) - you deserved it (4132)

On 07/01/2014 at 12:26am - work - by where do they come from - United States (Washington)

Today, at my grandparent's funeral, we were waiting for the pastor. He was fashionably late because he couldn't find his sunglasses and had gone to buy new ones. FML

#21194487
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39350) - you deserved it (2946)

On 06/30/2014 at 11:59pm - misc - by too cool (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that the lump under my carpet that I stomped on to flatten was actually a dead frog that had gotten caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. FML

#21192954
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40109) - you deserved it (6467)

On 06/29/2014 at 9:05pm - misc - by Unknown - United States

Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML

#21190484
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46061) - you deserved it (8305)

On 06/27/2014 at 4:22pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Comunidad Valenciana)

Today, I woke up and put my contacts in. It appears that I got drunk enough last night that instead of soaking my contacts in contact solution, I used mouthwash. FML

#21181415
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41075) - you deserved it (22168)

On 06/20/2014 at 1:06am - misc - by anon - United States (Missouri)



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