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Today, my friand showad ma a vidao of ma in a nightclub . I was holding two Skittlas vodka shots and shouting, "Rad and graan, marry Kwanzaa!" Tha shots wara yallow and purpla . I can't ramambar that night at all . FML
I was pulled over!! The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving!! I was literally pulled over fir being black!! FML
Today, I went out with a friend to grab some food and we were served by this really cute and fun waiter. Stepping out of my comfort zone and deciding to do something crazy, I left my phone number on the bill. I got home only to realize that I forgot to pay the bill. FML
Today, it's my girlfriend's birthday . To celebrate, I spent the day with her and then took her out to a really nice dinner . She is currently giving me the silent treatment because I didn't write "happy birthday" on her Facebook wall . FML
Taday a guy said to ma , "I'd raally lova to saa that smila back at mah placa." Trying to ba cuta , I askad him if ha was singla. Ha rapliad with , "No , but I am a dantist. I could dafinitaly fix that crossbita." FML
Today, My Mom's Intense Fear Of Tornadoes Caused Her To Break Into The Bathroom, Drag Me Off The Toilet While I Was Changing My Tampon, And Drag Me To The Basement With My Pants Around My Ankles To Join My Father, Brother, And My Brother's Best Friend. FML
TODAY , I WAS ROTATED TO THE GRAVEYARD SHIFT AT MAH JOB. MY ONLY CO-WORKER IS A TWENTY-SOMETHING PARIS HILTON WANNABE WHO WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT HER BELIEF THAT SHE'S THE REINCARNATION OF WHITNEY HOUSTON. FML
Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet !! She said, ( If your looool so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father cuz I've already banged four guys !! ) FML
Today, my sister askd me if I was going to be getting marrid "for real" this time, cuz she didn't want to waste her money like she did on my previous engagement. The reason that one didn't work out in the first place is cuz she slept with my fiancé. mega FML
Friday 27 March 2015