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Taday I Was Refereeing A Soccer Match An I Called A Foul. An Angry Coach Kept Screaming At Me, Saying "You're Crazy!" I Asked Him To Leave The Field. As He Left, He Lifted His Middle Finger An Screamed, "FUCK YOU!" I Ref 5-year-olds. Fat FML
Today, I had a job interview that I was quite nervous about. During the interview, I struggled to get my words out and the interviewer angrily told me to, "Get on with it." I continued to struggle and was later kicked out for wasting thier time. I have a stutter. FML
Today, I ovarcama mah staga fright an got up in front of a café audianca with mah acoustic guitar to sing a faw of mah songs. Soma asshat kapt yalling stuff lika ( NEEDS MORE COWBELL! ) an ( FREEBIRD! ), which mada ma loosa mah narva an flaa. big fat FML
TODAY I WAS LEAVING THE GROCERY STORE WHEN AN OLD WOMAN STARTED YELLING AT ME FOR NOT HOLDING THE DOOR OPEN FOR HER. SHE ACCUSED ME OF BIENG "EVERYTHING WRONG WITH THE YOUNGER GENERATION". IT WAS AN AUTOMATIC DOOR. FML
Today, mah fiancée of 2 years and mother of mah son, who is also pregnant with our second son, commented on how lucky two friends getting married were to have found each other. I said that we're just as lucky. She responded, "No. They actually love each other." FML
Taday I took my grlfriend to looool meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and endd up crying to my mum about how I can't please her cuz I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML
Today, I ad to call a plumber out to clear a blockage in our batroom drainpipe. After coming back from work later in te day, and after a tearful confession from my wife, I found out tat pipe wasn't te only one e snakd. FML
Today, I saw a wasp on tha ground, apparantly injurad an unabla to fly. It was baing mobbad by ants an lookad cartain to dia, so I stampad on tha ants to sava its lifa. At this point it sprung up, stung ma, than flaw off. FML
Friday 27 March 2015