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gummybears99's favorite FMLs
by empress gleskizor the third of glarkon / 04/18/2016 at 2:12pm / Hungary (Budapest) / Miscellaneous
Today, I started my period almost a week earlier than I expected to. I also happened to be at the beach with a guy that I really liked when it started. He was the one who noticed, and he informed me by saying that we couldn't go back in the water or we would be eaten by sharks. FML
by Unsuspecting / 04/16/2016 at 8:23am / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 04/15/2016 at 3:46pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, after a long day, I energetically took off my belt to take my pants off and relax. In doing so, I whipped the belt around in the air, causing it to spin around and slap me right in my tender ballsack. I almost threw up. FML
by Anonymous / 04/14/2016 at 1:13am / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 04/13/2016 at 7:46pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work
Today, I went to take my permit test. I had been studying for months and was familiar with the whole book. When I sat down to take my test, I didn't recognize any of the questions. I went home and found out the book I used to study was the book my mom used to take her test in 1970. FML
by dk_2k16 / 04/12/2016 at 4:29pm / United States (Mississippi) / Work
Today, I found my shower loofa near the bathroom trash. My husband has a habit of throwing things out of the shower if they are in his way, so I thought nothing of it and took at bath with it. When he came home from work, he said he had thrown it away because he used it to clean the toilet. FML
by ew / 04/12/2016 at 1:53pm / United States / Love
Today, I overheard a coworker talking about going to what sounded like a dentist's appointment. As she left later, I jokingly said "Remember to open wide!" Turned out her appointment was with her OB/GYN, not a dentist. FML
by Anonymous / 04/12/2016 at 11:44am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
by BlueyedKat / 04/11/2016 at 1:40pm / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, I lay in bed reflecting on my fiancé's complaint about my lack of displays of affection. I felt terrible, so I rolled over and hugged him in his sleep. He's a fully trained martial artist and his immediate reaction was to try to snap my neck. FML
by bruised / 04/11/2016 at 3:26am / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, I tried to relieve my back pain by lounging in a jacuzzi at my mother's house. All was going well until I accidentally knocked an opened container of bath salts into the tub, which got sucked into the jet system, shooting tiny, sharp, barely dissolved pieces of salt into my back. FML
by Anonymous / 04/11/2016 at 3:25am / Canada (Alberta) / Health
Today, my dad congratulated me on having my first girl come over late at night and asked me to be quieter because he could hear us. I'm still single and it was probably me grunting and getting mad losing Plants vs Zombies. FML
by papaedups / 04/11/2016 at 1:46am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that my best friend's psycho ex-girlfriend has been stalking me on social media for the past few months, when she contacted me asking why I was holding hands with him in a picture from over two years ago. FML
by Anonymous / 04/10/2016 at 8:18pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by KaylaRox1908 / 04/10/2016 at 4:12pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by humanshield / 04/10/2016 at 12:49pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
- Today my dog left a present for me at the top of the stairs. I didn't turn on the lights when I was… Today, My sister called my boyfriend by my ex's name. I haven't been with my ex for six years. Now,… Today, locked out of my house for hours, I had to shit so badly that I found myself squatting under…