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gummybears99's favorite FMLs
Today, I rolled my ankle, got pink eye, and have the flu. Unable to stand long enough to cook myself a meal, I opted for delivery. When I opened the door for the delivery boy, he backed away frantically with his arms up upon seeing me. Apparently, I look just as shitty as I feel. FML
by Sick As Hell / 04/27/2016 at 3:22am / United States (Iowa) / Health
by Sting / 04/26/2016 at 4:49pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals
Today, my brothers thought it would be funny to put me inside a huge luggage bag we got for a trip to Canada. It was all fun and games until they dragged me outside, kicked me down a few steps, and left me stuck in the bag, locked outside with the cat. FML
by TheNotSoGoodDay / 04/25/2016 at 7:29pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML
by hotmess / 04/24/2016 at 11:49pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by Anonymous / 04/22/2016 at 8:33pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by dvddtraveller / 04/22/2016 at 5:25pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I caught my 7 year old sister poking a dead bird with a stick, causing maggots to start coming out of the bird's sad little body. I was horrified and threw up. She won't stop mocking me for being a "sissy". FML
by Anonymous / 04/22/2016 at 3:41pm / United States (Nevada) / Kids
by Traffickills / 04/21/2016 at 8:30pm / United States (Maryland) / Love
by 0h_Boy / 04/20/2016 at 4:03pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I ran into a new guy at work who told me the regional manager was visiting today to evaluate the staff. I scoffed and said that everything I'd heard about the manager made him seem like a total prick. His reply? "Maybe, but I'm a prick who can FIRE people." FML
by Anonymous / 04/20/2016 at 6:04am / Australia (Victoria) / Work
Today, on the bus, my friends and I gorged ourselves on a ton of candy. When it was my stop, I began to walk to the front of the bus. Upon getting off the bus, I tried to thank the driver with a mouth full of candy. It sounded like I said "Fuck you". FML
by ScratchCatPower / 04/19/2016 at 3:04pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at a party. A guy kept looking at me, so I tried to strike up a conversation with him. I realized he was drunk when he slurred, "Ya know, you're the only girl I've met that's fat AND flat chested!" There goes my self-esteem. FML
by Anonymous / 04/19/2016 at 11:59am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, my roommates had a party while I stayed in my room, and that was fine by me. What was not fine was when a stranger broke into my room, asked to lay next to me, and then just went ahead and did it. FML
by sociallyanxiousroomie / 04/19/2016 at 6:22am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/18/2016 at 7:40pm / United States (Nevada) / Health
Today, I performed a piano piece at a school play. Everything went well until I got up and accidentally smashed my shin against one of the piano legs. Before I could bite my tongue, I'd already yelled "Fucking hell!" in front of about 50 second graders. FML
by Anonymous / 04/18/2016 at 3:28pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous