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gummybears99's favorite FMLs
Today, I donated a dollar to a kids charity at Lowe's. The cashier handed me a star to sign my name, I signed it and gave it back to her. She looked at me with disgust and asked what was wrong with me. I had to pull out my license to prove to her that my name is really Michael Myers. FML
by M1CHA3L_MY3RZ / 03/01/2016 at 8:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked my girlfriend home. As I kissed her goodbye, I heard a high-pitched scream and turned just in time to see her little brother charge head-first into my nuts. All because I kissed her on the cheek. FML
by Racked / 03/01/2016 at 1:00pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, I think my unborn child has developed a sense of humour. The little cherub is usually very calm, but must have realised that if he/she kicks me hard enough in this particular place near my bladder, I'll piss myself on the spot like a race horse. It's happened twice now. FML
by Spraylady / 02/29/2016 at 4:45pm / United Kingdom / Kids
by cutiecuppiecakez / 02/29/2016 at 4:04pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by killme / 02/29/2016 at 2:00am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by Anonymous / 02/28/2016 at 6:06am / United States (Tennessee) / Health
Today, my sister shared a post on Facebook which talked about how gays are destroying the "sanctity of marriage". I couldn't help but point out that she's been married 3 times in the last 7 years, while I've been happily married to my wife for nearly 9. She deleted my comment then blocked me. FML
by Anonymous / 02/28/2016 at 4:15am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by BroadcitySF / 02/27/2016 at 10:42pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my wife's pregnancy hormones made her extremely horny. The doctor said that intercourse during pregnancy was very healthy, so we decided to do it. Let's just say that the bumpy ride didn't help her morning sickness. FML
by neverdoingthatagain / 02/26/2016 at 10:35pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by embarrassed much / 02/26/2016 at 10:14pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, my nephew gave me a piece of gum. He's not one to share, so I was rather shocked at his kindness. After a while chewing, he admitted he gave it to me because the pack was in his pocket when he peed his pants. FML
by Joseph / 02/26/2016 at 9:52pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by WhosGoingToCleanThisUp / 02/26/2016 at 2:52pm / United Kingdom / Kids
Today, I'm recovering from surgery. Every time I laugh, it hurts so badly I start to cry, which hurts even worse and makes it difficult to breathe. The painkillers I'm on make everything seem funny. I laughed so hard at a dumb pun that I nearly passed out. FML
by Anonameow / 02/25/2016 at 7:31pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
Today, while working as a hostess, one of my tattoos on my leg was showing. It's not uncommon for guests to comment on tattoos as we're high end and I'm one of two staff members with visible tattoos. What is uncommon is an elderly lady hiking up my skirt for a better view. I flashed everyone. FML
by Devlynfly / 02/24/2016 at 11:32pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, while doing the grocery shopping with my boyfriend we came across another woman also out shopping, who looked shockingly like me despite her being another race, hair color and the like. The second he saw her, he blurted out, ''Oh, it's a pretty version of you!'' FML
by FuglyBetty / 02/24/2016 at 5:48pm / Norway (Aust-Agder) / Miscellaneous