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gummybears99's favorite FMLs
by ScarletSpirit / 08/10/2016 at 6:10am / Intimacy
Today, my uncle asked me to act as a bodyguard in a video he was making. I put on the shades and suit while he was saying his message to the camera. I was laughing so hard internally that I ended up farting so loud throughout the entire video. We had to shoot the video five times. FML
by Anonymous / 08/09/2016 at 4:58pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my grandfather gave me a whole box of records to go with my new record player. When I thanked him, he said he'd been needing to get rid of them anyway because classical music makes him horny. I definitely didn't need to know that. FML
by Anonymous / 08/09/2016 at 11:43am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 12-year-old sister, who sometimes has difficulty coming up with the right words while speaking, used the word "intercourse" to replace "encounter". She was joking to my dad that she, "had an 'intercourse' with Bob Dylan." I can't get the image out of my head. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach ache and had some pretty bad gas at work. I tried to head down to the basement for a while to allow my coworkers to continue in peace. About an hour after I came back up, my boss called pest control due to the horrible smell that "must be dead rats". FML
by Funyearahead / 08/08/2016 at 8:44am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by Weightlosshereicome / 08/08/2016 at 6:06am / United States (New York) / Health
Today I went to my sleep therapist; I sleep 8 hours a night, but I'm still very tired during the day. I'm divorced, so we decided that I would record myself sleeping to see if I might be snoring. We listened to the tape. Not only was I snoring very loudly, I cry all night in my sleep. FM
by Sleeping moody / 08/08/2016 at 12:01am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by . / 08/05/2016 at 12:57pm / Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz) / Intimacy
by an unlucky man / 08/05/2016 at 5:37am / United States (California) / Love
Today, my boss ordered me to read the Twilight series in order to determine if they are "appropriate" for his daughter to read. I'm a 25-year-old bank teller, and I definitely don't remember this in my job description. FML
by that violates the Geneva conventions / 08/05/2016 at 5:33am / United States (California) / Work
by sw2f2fchik612 / 08/03/2016 at 10:01pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals
Today, I woke up after a long night of taking care of my drunken husband. I guess I should feel lucky I don't have a generic, "He wet the bed in his sleep" story, and instead have a unique, "He got out of bed and peed on me" story. FML
Today, my 15-year-old son was waiting in the car for me after driving around to build up hours for his permit. He then decided it was a good idea to quickly drive over to catch a Pokemon nearby. He didn't count on getting pulled over for texting and driving while underage without an adult though. FML
by ButItWasRareDad! / 08/03/2016 at 6:21pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
by nullpointer / 08/03/2016 at 12:38am / United States (California) / Animals
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I asked a customer to send me via e-mail the image he wanted me to print. He said, "I don't…