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gummybears99's favorite FMLs
Today, my 8-year-old daughter was throwing a tantrum, and I said "Keep this up and I'll tell Santa to take your presents back." She told me I don't even know Santa, at which point I accidentally blurted that I'm "Santa". FML
by Santa / 12/24/2014 at 10:01pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
by single / 12/24/2014 at 4:49pm / United States (Utah) / Love
by Mr_snuggels / 12/24/2014 at 3:05pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
Today, I found a hornet's nest in the backyard, so I called my brother over to take a look. He said "Hmm, wonder how fast you can run." then hurled a rock at the nest and sprinted back to the house. I wasn't so fast. I now feel like someone's beaten me half to death with a cactus. FML
by Anonymous / 12/24/2014 at 9:43am / United States (Virginia) / Health
Today, while shopping with my father, I had to use the restroom. As soon as I opened the door to the men's room, my father yelled that it was the ladies' room. I then turned around and went through the other door, where I ended up getting bitch-slapped. FML
by wowdadreally / 12/23/2014 at 3:46pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of six years. She got mad at me, saying she is too young to get married and that I was trying to ruin her career. She is 32 and works part-time at a grocery store. FML
by got any coupons? / 12/23/2014 at 10:24am / United States / Love
Today, on a first date with a guy, I spilled ice cream all over my pants. He bought me some more, and as I was thanking him, he said, "You've never had a guy treat you right, have you?" I said no and started crying. FML
by Soulara89 / 12/22/2014 at 8:28pm / United States (Florida) / Love
by Mandy / 12/22/2014 at 4:36pm / United States (Florida) / Work
by cwhitney7 / 12/22/2014 at 10:04am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
by Bahhumbug / 12/22/2014 at 9:24am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
Today, my girlfriend of two years asked me why I would never tie her shoes for her. I confessed to her my deep hatred of feet. Later, I woke up from a nap next to my girlfriend. With her feet in my mouth. FML
by ScottyB / 12/22/2014 at 3:05am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
by scoold / 12/21/2014 at 5:02pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Work
Today, a customer came in with a laptop smashed beyond repair. She asked if we could recover her files, but thanks to my idiot boss' new store policy I had to ask her a bunch of questions, including if she had tried "turning it on and off". She stared at me, speechless, like I was a complete moron. FML
Today, I was at an outdoors Christmas party and I jokingly complained that my son says 'mama' way more than he says 'dada'. One of my students was at the party and watched him for a couple of hours. He taught him to say 'dada' every time he sees a bug. FML
by paparoach / 12/21/2014 at 2:59am / United States (Hawaii) / Kids
by sexualpopcorn / 12/20/2014 at 10:37pm / United States (California) / Love
- 1Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana… 2Today, I got dumped for the second time by the guy that I'd been seeing. He actually forgot that… 3Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 4 months. He was always worried I would cheat on him,…
- Today, my boyfriend went to the ER. I ran to catch the nearest city bus. My sandal breaks. I had to… Today, I decided to sink low enough to sign up for one of those 'get paid for taking a survey site'… Today, my boyfriend dumped me, yet again, because his mother made him. Fortunately for me I found…