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gummybears99's favorite FMLs
by ouch / 06/16/2016 at 6:14am / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, we ran out of our disposal gloves at work. After saying how grossed out I was about having to touch raw chicken with my bare hands, my female boss goes, "Just imagine you're touching yourself. That's what I do." Even more grossed out now. FML
by RayniDae / 06/15/2016 at 4:08pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, my brother started ranting about how fluoridated water is a conspiracy to "turn people gay". I said the government must be doing a shit job of it, since he's been drinking the stuff longer than I've been alive and is still married to a woman. He punched me so hard, my vision blacked out. FML
by Anonymous / 06/15/2016 at 1:07pm / United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull, City of) / Miscellaneous
Today, five minutes into a first date with a woman I really wanted to impress, we got on to a very busy train. I was so concerned with making sure that my backpack didn't get caught in the closing doors that I forgot to worry about my head. FML
by dannidoll93 / 06/15/2016 at 7:56am / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Transportation
by Trooper / 06/14/2016 at 8:19pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Health
Today, I went to the bathroom in a mall. As I was in the stall, a woman tried to open it. I yelled out that's it was occupied but she kept shaking it to open it. It came up to the point where she had to crawl under the door to see that I was there. FML
Today, at the doctor's, I dropped my pants and the attractive nurse assured me it was the biggest one she had ever seen. Unfortunately, she wasn't referring to my penis, she was, in fact referring to the huge haemorrhoid hanging out of my asshole. FML
by mind your own business / 06/13/2016 at 6:31pm / United Kingdom (Leeds) / Health
by Al / 06/13/2016 at 11:37am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, while vacationing with my boyfriend of 9 years, he started writing "Wi" in the sand. I instantly hoped he was going to propose by writing, "Will you marry me" on the beach. He spelled out "wiener" instead. FML
by ForeverAGirlfriend / 06/13/2016 at 12:40am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by Minnie / 06/12/2016 at 9:33am / United States (Florida) / Love
by Anonymous / 06/12/2016 at 8:37am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
by confused_cashier / 06/11/2016 at 9:34pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
Today, I told my dad about my new diet. He somehow figured I was only doing it to look more attractive to guys, because he told me my weight is fine and that it's just my personality that needs work. Thanks a lot, Dad. FML
by Anonymous / 06/11/2016 at 8:39am / United States (Ohio) / Health
Today, my wife said she was going to her friend's place to help her with couponing. She started getting ready at 5pm; shaved her legs, did her hair, put on skin-tight leggings and a low-cut top. Left at 6pm, snuck back in at 2:50am. Shit, couponing must be really exciting. FML
by Anonymous / 06/11/2016 at 1:15am / United States (New York) / Love
by poorbeauty / 06/10/2016 at 6:32pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I met the girl I've always wanted. She's cute, adorable, nice, and we have a lot in common.… Today, my boss called me in to work on my only day off in two weeks. After working more than a full… Today, my husband asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I told him I didn't want anything I just…