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gummybears99's favorite FMLs
Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off and decided to give us both a lecture about it. My brother ended up saying "If god doesn't want me to jerk off, how come he made my knob the perfect shape to fit in my hand?" I burst out laughing and now we're both grounded. FML
Today, it was another stressful day of watching servicemen at my job trying to figure out what broke an extremely expensive and essential machine. I'm just waiting for the day they finally discover the earring I dropped into it about a week ago FML
by Girl w/ the Pearl Earring / 08/22/2016 at 7:46am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
by leah_kascar / 08/21/2016 at 9:45pm / United States (Florida) / Work
by Daddy / 08/19/2016 at 10:55am / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, someone drove into my car at an intersection and drove off. Luckily, I got the car's registration plate and called the cops on them. Turns out, it was my boyfriend's brother's girlfriend, who was illegally driving without a license. Now everyone's mad at me for getting her in trouble. FML
by Innocent / 08/18/2016 at 7:03pm / New Zealand / Transportation
Today, I finally addressed why my boyfriend started calling me "love bug" since we haven't used pet names in the entirety of our 2 year relationship. His response? "because I love you but you bug the shit out of me. It seemed appropriate." FML
by Jaided_Genetics / 08/17/2016 at 12:20am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/16/2016 at 4:26am / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to the chiropractor for a check up. She was going through some of the ways to help my posture and mentioned something that I've never heard before. My fat ass thought it was a type of food. Turns out it was a sports routine. FML
by Epithymia / 08/15/2016 at 11:09am / United Kingdom (Leeds) / Health
by whoops / 08/15/2016 at 12:07am / United States (Tennessee) / Love
by 13a5ic H1p5t3r / 08/14/2016 at 11:58pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, a guy I have been crushing on since forever finally talked to me. Too bad it happened after an anxiety attack when he carried me from class to the nurse's. The first thing he said to me when I came to was, "You're heavier than you look." FML
by anonymous / 08/14/2016 at 11:06pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
Today, I woke to the sound of my baby crying at 4 a.m. I also heard my partner snoring, knowing he was not beside me and the baby was not in her crib, I went into the nursery. There was my crying baby laying across my snoring partner's chest. Guess he fell asleep during feeding time. FML
by gamerlaura / 08/13/2016 at 11:33pm / United Kingdom (Gwynedd) / Miscellaneous
by HauntedTwilight / 08/11/2016 at 10:55pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, after work, I was saying goodbye to my last remaining friend I worked with because she was going to be leaving for college. My manager saw me talking and made me clock back in and work because "If you have time to talk, you have time to work." FML.
by skipperpop / 08/11/2016 at 6:24pm / United States (Iowa) / Work
Today, it was my first day at my new job as a receptionist at a small doctor's office. When the doctor's wife called and asked if he'd stepped out, I forgot the word "Doctor" and instead replaced it with, "medicine man". FML
by professionalmedicineman / 08/11/2016 at 3:25pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…