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gummybears99's favorite FMLs
by Hamden824 / 05/25/2016 at 4:04pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was peeing in a public bathroom when a guy walked in and passed by 4 open urinals to use the one next to mine. After feeling his gaze for a second, I confronted him with my own, in hopes he would stop. Instead, I stared into a stranger's eyes until I finished peeing. FML
by longest minute / 05/25/2016 at 7:28am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I babysat my neighbor's twin 4-year-old girls again. When I took them out for lunch, they apparently had been addressing themselves as "my bitches", taught to them by their devil spawn 13-year-old brother. Everyone, including Chuck E. Cheese himself, was not pleased. FML
by Ban Hammered / 05/25/2016 at 6:35am / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, upon my arrival at work, I was greeted by 2 police officers, 2 managers, my coworker, and a meth-head in my office. They quickly told me that the meth-head was wearing stolen merchandise under her clothes, then left me alone with her, saying I had to watch her undress. FML
by Undercover_Agent / 05/25/2016 at 2:04am / United States (Iowa) / Work
Today, my friend, who I'm moving in with, flew up to drive from Pennsylvania to Texas, where she lives, with me. I went to the airport to pick her up and we discovered she accidentally flew to the wrong airport. On the other side of the state. I'm driving through the night to rescue her. FML
by LongDriveNoSleep / 05/24/2016 at 6:38am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took my 9-year-old sister to an ice cream shop. There we met a boy about her age, who started a conversation with her, told her she was pretty and they ended up exchanging numbers. I'm 24 and so far I've never succeeded at getting a girl's number like this. FML
by Anonymous / 05/24/2016 at 6:30am / Ukraine / Love
Today, the checkout guy at my local store asked me if I had my hair cut. I answered and started talking about my hair, and he gave me a really weird look. He was talking to his friend, who I hadn't noticed in the queue behind me. FML
by figcurzyez / 05/23/2016 at 11:57am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Miscellaneous
Today, while in class, my friend would not stop annoying me by tapping me on the shoulder every so often. After the fifth time, I lost my patience, told him to F off, and slapped his hand. Only it wasn't my friend tapping my shoulder this time, it was my teacher. FML
by gettinganF / 05/23/2016 at 7:57am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by Anon / 05/23/2016 at 6:49am / United States (Illinois) / Kids
Today, my two year old has learned new things from his best friend. His best friend is our dog. He's learned to eat dog food, lick people, and now he's started taking off his diaper to lift his leg and pee. FML
by proud parent / 05/21/2016 at 12:03pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by Anonymous / 05/20/2016 at 12:59pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by ShandiPandiDerp / 05/20/2016 at 8:12am / United States / Miscellaneous
by bruised / 05/19/2016 at 4:54pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
by Anonymous / 05/18/2016 at 1:55am / United States (California) / Animals
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…