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gummybears99's favorite FMLs
Today, I had to console my bawling 6-year-old son and explain that his sister was lying when she told him that when boys in our family turn 13, they turn into girls. I'm not sure who disappoints me more right now. FML
by jts / 02/20/2016 at 4:55am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
by OPforonepiece / 02/19/2016 at 9:38am / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Work
Today, I took a bus to the city. When I sat down, my hand accidentally slapped again the knee of the guy sitting next to me. I apologized. He responded, "It's just a knee," and started stroking mine. This lasted the entire ride. FML
by That_Teenager_ / 02/17/2016 at 9:01pm / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
by thatcreepyteacher / 02/16/2016 at 11:27pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, during an unrelated appointment with my GP, he offered me a free check for chlamydia. Despite me reassuring him that I was STI free, he insisted that I should undergo the test. I ended up agreeing, only because I was too embarrassed to admit that I'm still a virgin. FML
by Anonymous / 02/16/2016 at 2:39am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/15/2016 at 12:04pm / United States (Oregon) / Animals
Today, the play I was directing opened. The curtain opened, and my lead actor and actress weren't prepared. I could tell from the looks on their faces as the whole audience saw him balls deep in her, doggy style, on stage. FML
by headinabag33 / 02/14/2016 at 8:57pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, I was playing Badminton in P.E, and I was paired with a particularly pretty girl, who for some reason kept asking stupid questions that we both knew the answers to. I've only now just realized that she was trying to initiate conversation with me. This is why I have no friends. FML
Today, I found my 6-year-old daughter recording herself on her little tape recorder. When I asked her what she was up to, she replied in her cute little voice, "I'm recording myself so you'll have a souvenir when I'm dead." FML
by DarkChild / 02/11/2016 at 5:18pm / France / Kids
Today, we had some workers come to paint my office building. As a receptionist, it's my job to stock the fridge with soda. I walked into the supply closet just in time to find a worker peeing in a bucket. I stood there for about 10 seconds before I understood what was happening and ran out. FML
by onlyolivia / 02/11/2016 at 2:55pm / United States (Maryland) / Work
by notaman / 02/11/2016 at 1:12pm / United States (Iowa) / Health
Today, I was hanging out with a friend out of state. He had some friends with him and we were all having a great time, until they found out I live in Utah. They instantly assumed I was Mormon and started to act weird around me. This is a frequent occurrence. FML
by Poppleton99 / 02/11/2016 at 1:06am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
Today, I learnt what my boss meant when he said he would 'get his revenge on me' for winning a bet. I have to clean all the rooms that currently have a couple staying in it on February 15th. I don't want to work in a hotel anymore. FML
by Hello condoms and lube / 02/09/2016 at 4:53pm / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Work
by moosemay / 02/06/2016 at 6:42am / Germany (Bayern) / Animals
by Hreid254 / 02/05/2016 at 11:07am / United States (Texas) / Animals