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gummybears99's favorite FMLs
Today, I was signing with my deaf brother at a local McDonald's. We were having a laugh about a game we played last night when this morbidly obese woman waddled over to us. She was utterly convinced we were "talking shit" about her and made a scene about our "hand gestures." Seriously? FML
by Stairs? Noooooo / 09/15/2015 at 6:31pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was getting coffee when I pulled my lip balm from my pocket and started playing with it in my hands, tapping it on my face and lip. There were there two gorgeous guys in front of me who kept turning around and staring at me. I was actually holding a tampon. FML
by C BOMB / 09/14/2015 at 7:58pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
Today, on a nature hike, covered in poison oak rashes from the day before, I accidentally stepped on a hornets' nest. I'm now covered in hornet stings and I can't scratch the poison oak because I might accidentally touch the stings. FML
by RHChiliPeppers / 09/11/2015 at 8:05pm / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/07/2015 at 10:21am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation
Today, I was visiting my grandmother at her retirement community. Bingo is really popular there and she loves it, so I went thinking it would be a fun activity for us. I won the jackpot and my car got keyed by a group of angry old people. FML
by earlytermination / 09/05/2015 at 11:31pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by ManderDander / 09/05/2015 at 2:48pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my psycho cat stood on my toilet seat and challenged me to a stand-off. After 10 minutes, I couldn't hold it in any more and asked to use my neighbor's bathroom instead. I told him my toilet was broken. FML
by I'm a pussy, yeah yeah / 09/05/2015 at 1:56am / United States (California) / Animals
by Anonymous / 09/05/2015 at 12:58am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, I came to work with a huge hangover after a night out. I work as a marching band director, and guess who I had to conduct a sectional with? That's right, percussion. My head still hasn't stopped throbbing. FML
by oww / 09/04/2015 at 9:25pm / United States (Michigan) / Work
Today, I went to visit my mom and my 3-month-old sister. I picked the baby up, totally unaware that she had just eaten. As I went to give her a kiss, she vomited straight into my mouth. Let's just say she wasn't the only one who puked. FML
by brittsters / 09/04/2015 at 1:46pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I met my Canadian friend at the airport. As we were heading into the city, I told him not to worry about all the US stereotypes and that gun crime in my city is rare. A few hours later, we witnessed a guy get shot in the street in broad daylight. Now he's too scared to leave the house. FML
by fuckyoudeadgunnuts / 09/04/2015 at 10:30am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by KenzoBVB / 09/01/2015 at 11:55pm / Canada / Health
Today, I dyed my hair purple. I came out of the salon and a little girl walked past and said, "Wow, you look like a mermaid!", to which her mother quickly said, "No she doesn't, she looks like her parents don't love her." FML
by laurencoc / 08/31/2015 at 6:50pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/29/2015 at 7:01pm / United States (West Virginia) / Intimacy
- Today, I caught my boyfriend wearing yoga pants and taking pictures of his butt to post on a "Girls… Today, I came to the conclusion that you should always tell the truth. While I was busy reassuring… Today, I found out my boyfriend has a fetish for cats. I think I'm going to have to meow before we…