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gummybears99's favorite FMLs
Today, my class and I were discussing our country's relationship with other countries. One person stated that the French have never done anything for us. A classmate took that moment to chime in and ask, "I thought the French gave us that giant statue of the Mona Lisa?" He was dead serious. FML
by crazymentalblond / 11/17/2016 at 6:47am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
Today, whilst taking a shower, I noticed my razor wasn't in its usual spot. Upon inspecting it closer, I noticed that there were tiny white hairs in it. When confronting my father about it, he claimed the "pink razors" are his. We've been sharing the same razor this entire time. FML
by pinkrazorsare4men / 11/15/2016 at 7:51pm / Miscellaneous
Today, I told my long-distance friend about the flooding in Florida due to the Supermoon. He's a Flat Earther and despite proof, denies the coincidence because he believes the moon and gravity aren't what we're taught. FML
by Enslaved / 11/15/2016 at 3:40am / Miscellaneous
Today, I was making out with a guy in his car, when we decided we needed a minute of fresh air. We stepped out, only to completely lock ourselves out, with our phones and the keys inside. We had to smash a window. FML
by Silverfeathery / 11/14/2016 at 6:19am / United States (Maine) / Love
Today, I was sitting in the restaurant waiting for my blind date to come. I had sat for an hour until I finally got fed up and went to leave when at the same time the guy at the table next to me stood up to leave too. I noticed he had been sitting alone. Turns out he was my date. FML
by kill the audience / 11/10/2016 at 12:51pm / United States (Delaware) / Love
by kmtau / 11/09/2016 at 4:38pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband and I finally had the house to ourselves, so we had unusually loud sex. Banging bed, yelling obscenities, super rowdy, etc. I then see my mother-in-law out the window. She had let herself in, dropped off a bag and apparently ran out. Thanksgiving is going to be weird. FML
by daughter in law / 11/08/2016 at 1:05am / United States / Intimacy
by jxfc / 11/07/2016 at 3:11am / United States (California) / Work
by Earl_KarmasBitch / 11/05/2016 at 9:02am / China (Yunnan) / Health
Today, I taught my first seminar as a teaching assistant. I prepared for hours and rehearsed and discussed it with the professor. Two students fell asleep, I said "shit" twice and I froze mid-sentence, then said, "Sorry guys, I have no idea what I'm saying." FML
by I'm an asshole / 11/03/2016 at 5:46pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I work as an assistant to a sculptor. We finished all our projects early so his wife decided to have me clean their kitchen. I wasn't paying attention and picked up a dead mouse. I screamed and threw it away as hard as I could. It hit their five-year-old son in the face. FML