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gummybears99's favorite FMLs
Today, while driving in the car with my father, he handed me his iPhone and asked me to Google "Is ObamaCare good for our country?" As soon as I typed in "Is", the first result was "Is olive oil good for anal." FML
by justme / 11/02/2013 at 9:21am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by SantaClaus / 11/02/2013 at 12:19am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, while I was working out, I was listening to music with my earbuds in. The Pokémon theme started playing and I begun singing along. It wasn't too long after that I remembered I was in a crowded gym on a military base. FML
by GymBattle / 10/31/2013 at 7:18pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/31/2013 at 4:42pm / United Kingdom (Leicester) / Health
Today, I had to take my 15-year-old son to the hospital. He'd gone out dressed as some My Little Pony character and encountered someone who'd had the same idea. They then got into a fistfight, and my son got the shit beaten out of him. I wish I'd never bred. FML
by anna / 10/31/2013 at 2:27pm / United States (Mississippi) / Kids
Today, I gave a short presentation at a neighborhood watch event to raise awareness of pickpocketing and to give tips on how to avoid becoming a victim of it. After I got back home, I realized my wallet was missing from my pocket. FML
by "ironyyyyyyy" -_- / 10/31/2013 at 12:58pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
Today, I decided to get over my lifelong fear of Michael Jackson. I went to have my photo taken with a statue of him. Little did I know, for Halloween week they replace the statues with real people. It jumped out at me; I'm never getting over this fear. FML
by Shady_Soldier / 10/31/2013 at 4:41am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, some kid asked me if I was Mexican. After I explained to him that I was actually Venezuelan, he simply snorted and said, "That's the same f*cking thing. If you speak Spanish then you're Mexican." FML
by Rinelric1998 / 10/30/2013 at 10:59pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
Today, I rushed to a dentist's appointment. Once in the chair, I apologized for not having had the time to brush my teeth beforehand. He responded with, "Ah that's alright, I just took a piss and forgot to wash my hands." FML
by Anonymous / 10/29/2013 at 2:57pm / Zimbabwe / Health
by Asshole hornet / 10/28/2013 at 4:18pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I reminded my husband that I was on my period, so he wouldn't try to fool around with me. A few hours later, his goldfish-like memory kicked in and he stuck his hand down my pants while we were going to bed. I was wearing a maxi pad. FML
by SharkWeek / 10/27/2013 at 11:26am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, I went on a blind date. The girl seemed perfect for me, until I found out she says "lol" and "rofl" out loud whenever she laughs. She also believes sex screws with people's "spiritual energy", and that's why she'll never have it. FML
by CUCKOO / 10/26/2013 at 5:27pm / United Kingdom / Love
Today, I went to the kitchen to grab some cereal. I guess my mum didn't hear me, because as I entered, I heard her ranting to herself about her "God damned fucking cheerios". I started to slowly back out, but I tripped over my own feet. She heard and yelled at me for "sneaking around". FML
by Anonymous / 10/26/2013 at 2:40pm / United Kingdom (Aberdeen City) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mother came over to visit, and my kids started excitedly telling her Christmas is coming soon. She freaked out, saying Christmas is a "Satanic holiday" and telling them that Santa is going to hell along with everyone who celebrates it. My children are now traumatized. FML
by Jane M / 10/25/2013 at 7:20pm / United States (Indiana) / Kids
Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and ended up crying to my mum about how I can't please her because I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML
by Dick the Greater / 10/25/2013 at 6:08pm / Intimacy