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gummybears99's favorite FMLs
Today, a coworker at school yelled at one of our students to be quiet. The kid got pretty upset, so I went to comfort him. He held my hand for the rest of the class, telling me in vivid detail how he was going to kill my coworker. Now I'm afraid to look at him. FML
by Anonymous / 10/01/2013 at 12:36pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, while in class, I had to sneeze. Not wanting to make a lot of noise, I held it in, only to instead let out a huge, long fart. Everyone, including the teacher, turned and stared at me intently. FML
by Anonymous / 09/30/2013 at 12:22pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
by sothisishowidie / 09/30/2013 at 7:18am / Guam / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in a public bathroom with the runs when I noticed my stall didn't have any toilet paper. I was the only one in the bathroom, and I thought I could make it to the stall next to me and grab some with my pants down. I wasn't actually the only one in there. FML
by Anonymous / 09/30/2013 at 6:30am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
by 3 More Months / 09/30/2013 at 2:02am / United States (California) / Work
by -___- / 09/29/2013 at 3:46pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, I finally handed my girlfriend a portrait of her. I'm not the best drawer, but I spent weeks on it and I thought it turned out pretty good. When she looked at it, she asked what kind of dog was it. FML
by Laserbeaver / 09/29/2013 at 9:00am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, I saw two kids having a fistfight in the street. I ran over to stop them, and one ended up hitting me in the eye. I now have a black eye over what turned out to have been a fight over who was going to get the last slice of pizza. FML
by ahuman / 09/29/2013 at 1:10am / United States / Kids
by Anonymous / 09/28/2013 at 5:40pm / New Zealand (Waikato) / Miscellaneous
Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML
by SerenityJ / 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 09/25/2013 at 5:33pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
Today, my ex-wife put my number on Craigslist as a gay fashion designer needing a one night stand. I only found out when I got a text from an unknown number asking me when was the last time I "ate a black anaconda". FML
by Craigslist is Evil. / 09/24/2013 at 2:12pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
by saraitkddh / 09/24/2013 at 1:51pm / Lebanon / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/24/2013 at 12:16pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, yet again, I got to my desk at work at 8 AM to find my laptop turned on and porn sites opened. Weird porn sites. I have no idea who is doing this, or how they have access to my office, or how they got my login password. HR thinks I'm making this up. FML
by MymB612 / 09/24/2013 at 7:15am / Work