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gummybears99's favorite FMLs
Today, I, a vampire-pale girl, went on a blind date with a very dark-skinned young man. We got on like a house on fire, and everything was going smoothly until we leant in for the kiss. I was wearing makeup and no setting spray. He came away with half his face smudged snow white. FML
by JJ / 03/21/2016 at 3:06pm / United Kingdom (Southampton) / Intimacy
by an adorable devil / 03/21/2016 at 2:52am / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, for what has seemed to be the hundredth time, my labeled bagged lunch was stolen from the fridge at my workplace. I stormed into my boss's office ready to complain, only to find him eating it. FML
by Jake Leiter / 03/20/2016 at 2:12pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Work
Today, at the supermarket, I picked up a pack of toilet rolls, at which point my 5-year-old daughter turned to me and screamed, "A CLEAN BUTTHOLE IS A HAPPY BUTTHOLE!" in front of a dozen other people. I have no idea where she heard that. FML
by humiliated / 03/20/2016 at 7:54am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids
by billjoebob424 / 03/18/2016 at 9:18pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/18/2016 at 4:56pm / United States / Love
by ANON / 03/18/2016 at 12:04pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
by DmanTheMan / 03/18/2016 at 12:37am / United States (Virginia) / Work
by tango-c / 03/17/2016 at 3:56pm / United States (Colorado) / Work
Today, after asking my hubby for what seems the millionth time to stop shoving his finger into my bum crack, I thought it would be funny to give him a taste of his own medicine by doing it to him. Right as my finger was in his crack, he let loose a huge fart. FML
by Grimmy / 03/17/2016 at 4:12am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had sex with a guy I really had a connection with. It went perfect until I complimented how his moans during sex turn me on a lot, and he responded with, "That's what my mom told me." I laughed so hard we couldn't go on. FML
by UnicornWaffles / 03/16/2016 at 1:23pm / Taiwan (T'ai-pei) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/15/2016 at 9:19pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Work
Today, in front of a group of family, friends, and acquaintances, a guy I hadn't talked to in about two years asked me how rehab was going. In the monstrous silence that followed, I had to awkwardly explain that I work at a nursing home that also functions as a rehabilitation center. FML
by Bex / 03/15/2016 at 3:27am / United States (California) / Work
by Anon / 03/15/2016 at 2:52am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I had to drive down to my parents' house. On they way down, I needed to fill up on gas but unfortunately I'd forgotten my wallet at home with all of my cash and credit cards. I then had to call triple A and explain to them in all seriousness how I ran out of gas at the gas station. FML