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gummybears99's favorite FMLs
Today, I was walking through a field with my boyfriend and he picked me some pretty flowers. I hugged him and leant in to sniff them. In doing so, I inhaled a bee up my nose and had to force it out my swollen nostril after it had stung me. FML
by lyinginbed / 06/04/2016 at 3:45pm / United Kingdom / Health
Today, I went to get my first acupuncture. The doctor was a cute Korean woman, so I tried to start a conversation. When she pricked me with a needle near the tailbone, I involuntarily let one loose and saw her gag. FML
by Revelyn / 06/03/2016 at 6:18pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/29/2016 at 10:32pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Humpday / 05/29/2016 at 5:36pm / United States / Love
Today, my mom was "that" customer at the local drive-thru. She slipped into attention whore mode and bitched the guy out for not giving us extra fries. He said she didn't ask for any, which was true. Instead of apologizing, she swore at him and floored the gas, sending our drinks spilling all over me. FML
by Anonymous / 05/28/2016 at 10:20pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was so tired, I passed out at work in the middle of a call. All because my neighbor's car alarm kept going off every 3 minutes all through the morning. It was still going when I left for work. If you see a news story in a few days about a whole neighborhood beating a guy to death, that's probably us. FML
by Anonymous / 05/28/2016 at 9:00am / United States (Georgia) / Work
Today, my boyfriend added me to his friends' private Whatsapp group, after weeks of asking him to include me in more of his life. It turns out almost all they do is post pictures of their shits and rate them. There is nearly a year's worth of pictures. FML
by ~~~~ / 05/27/2016 at 2:45pm / Belgium (Antwerpen) / Miscellaneous
Today, due to a new tattoo, I can't wear a bra for the next few days. My coworker knows about it and thought it would be funny to blast the air-con all day. I swear I could have used my nipples to type this, instead of my fingers. FML
by milliepede / 05/27/2016 at 12:03pm / Health
Today, I was mowing my lawn and it had a dry looking dog turd. I figured I'd be able to mow it easily into the grass bag as dust. Instead, it still had enough moisture to splatter into clumps. Including a couple that went up my left nostril. FML
by Furzball / 05/27/2016 at 2:19am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I was playing basketball in the searing heat with my friends. I jokingly told my friend that I was gonna die if I stayed out there much longer. Two minutes later, I got the ball and made the shot that won. Too bad I didn't see it, since I collapsed right as I took the shot and blacked out. FML
by Anonymous / 05/27/2016 at 12:07am / United States (South Carolina) / Health
Today, at my job as a teacher, I saw a student cut another student's hair, I stopped a group of students from eating glue, and I had to tell a student to put away the toy cars he was playing with. I teach high school math. FML
by Courtney / 05/26/2016 at 8:12am / United States / Work
Today, the first thing I noticed about my blind date was the clump of nose hairs sticking out and mingling with his beard. In an effort to not stare, I periodically glanced away. After a while, he asked which guy I was into at the table next to us, because I was spending so much time looking in that direction. FML
by anonymous / 05/25/2016 at 11:45pm / United States (Idaho) / Love
Today, I went into my kitchen after placing a line of salt across the floor in front of the back door the night before to ward off slugs that keep getting in, only to find 12 idiotic slugs dead and shrivelled up, leaving a horrible gooey mess. I don't know why I expected any intelligence from them. FML
by Spongebob Garypants / 05/25/2016 at 10:05pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Animals
Today, I was taking a shower, facing away from the faucet, when I dropped the soap. When I bent over to pick up the soap, my sister flushed a toilet in the next room, causing hot water to scorch my anus. I got made my shower's bitch, FML
by teflon_hammer / 05/25/2016 at 7:19pm / United States (Colorado) / Health
by Hamden824 / 05/25/2016 at 4:04pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana… 2Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually… 3Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and…