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gummybears99's favorite FMLs
by only child says fuck you mom / 04/10/2016 at 10:56am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by IntrepidPig / 04/10/2016 at 12:32am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by dudster25 / 04/10/2016 at 12:20am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to clean our apartment, and then we went out to grab a bite to eat. When we returned, I found a baby's sock in the middle of the floor. Neither of us have a baby, and nobody we know does either. Now I'm just waiting for the doll-themed nightmares tonight. FML
by Squeepy / 04/09/2016 at 11:45pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, my daughter and her "friend" kept using crude euphemisms right in front of me, thinking I was too old or too stupid to figure out what they meant. I nearly had an aneurysm when she told him he could put his "pencil" in her "sharpener" next time they studied together. FML
by Anonymous / 04/09/2016 at 9:12am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids
Today, my 4-year-old brother has a very strict 8:30 PM bedtime. Since I would have to walk past his door to get to the rest of the house, I'm not allowed to leave my room past that time, lest I tempt him to get up too. I can't even go to the bathroom. FML
Today, my 12 and 14 year olds told me they'll be doing whatever they like from now on and there will be no rules or bedtime, otherwise they'll tell their teachers that my husband and I abuse them. Where did I go wrong? FML
by Anonymous / 04/08/2016 at 5:43pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids
by Anonymous / 04/08/2016 at 5:01pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, nearing the end of my pregnancy, I went to a local pool. While attempting to swim on my stomach, I turned a little to the left, and buoyancy took over and I ended up belly-up and flailing, causing a very large man to then laugh so hard, he choked. FML
by ciammmm / 04/07/2016 at 8:23pm / United States (Arizona) / Health
by Koko / 04/07/2016 at 12:07pm / Germany (Berlin) / Animals
Today, I was snorkeling when a stingray suddenly appeared when I thought I was just looking at sand. It startled me, so my heel made contact with a sea urchin so that then startled me, and my other foot hit another one. FML
by Stingraybeemonster / 04/07/2016 at 4:51am / Thailand / Miscellaneous
by Shotacon / 04/06/2016 at 11:06pm / United States (New York) / Health
Today, I'm on vacation and stupidly bought the cheapest sunblock I could find. Instead of protecting my skin, the sunblock acted as a damn lightning rod for the sun, and I now look like I just spent a few hours on a spit-roast. FML
by Anonymous / 04/06/2016 at 1:48pm / United States (Arizona) / Holidays
by Anonymous / 04/06/2016 at 10:31am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I spent hours putting together a beautifully intricate jigsaw to give to my grandmother, who likes to frame them and hang them on her wall. Just as I was about to finish it, I discovered my dog chewing the last piece. FML
by Anonymous / 04/06/2016 at 4:34am / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Animals