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gummybears99's favorite FMLs
by 13a5ic H1p5t3r / 08/14/2016 at 11:58pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, a guy I have been crushing on since forever finally talked to me. Too bad it happened after an anxiety attack when he carried me from class to the nurse's. The first thing he said to me when I came to was, "You're heavier than you look." FML
by anonymous / 08/14/2016 at 11:06pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
Today, I woke to the sound of my baby crying at 4 a.m. I also heard my partner snoring, knowing he was not beside me and the baby was not in her crib, I went into the nursery. There was my crying baby laying across my snoring partner's chest. Guess he fell asleep during feeding time. FML
by gamerlaura / 08/13/2016 at 11:33pm / United Kingdom (Gwynedd) / Miscellaneous
by HauntedTwilight / 08/11/2016 at 10:55pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, after work, I was saying goodbye to my last remaining friend I worked with because she was going to be leaving for college. My manager saw me talking and made me clock back in and work because "If you have time to talk, you have time to work." FML.
by skipperpop / 08/11/2016 at 6:24pm / United States (Iowa) / Work
Today, it was my first day at my new job as a receptionist at a small doctor's office. When the doctor's wife called and asked if he'd stepped out, I forgot the word "Doctor" and instead replaced it with, "medicine man". FML
by professionalmedicineman / 08/11/2016 at 3:25pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
by b5b0n36 / 08/11/2016 at 12:47pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by tbrown0089 / 08/10/2016 at 5:49pm / United States / Love
Today, the guy I've been crushing on at work finally asked me out to lunch. I was nervous we wouldn't have anything to talk about. He spent the entire hour talking about how amazing his new girlfriend is. FML
by Anonymous / 08/10/2016 at 4:53pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I had to abandon my normal duties and help out the electrician my boss called, all because my boss couldn't handle speaking to him since he was attractive. She's in her fifties. I'm in my twenties and I'm the more mature one. FML
by C8H18 / 08/10/2016 at 3:16pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, I had severe constipation. I went to get some more laxatives when I felt something fall onto the top of my head. I reached up to see what it was and it turned out to be quite a large spider. Guess who isn't constipated anymore. FML
by NotAGoodDay / 08/10/2016 at 2:57pm / United Kingdom (Suffolk) / Health
by ScarletSpirit / 08/10/2016 at 6:10am / Intimacy
Today, my uncle asked me to act as a bodyguard in a video he was making. I put on the shades and suit while he was saying his message to the camera. I was laughing so hard internally that I ended up farting so loud throughout the entire video. We had to shoot the video five times. FML
by Anonymous / 08/09/2016 at 4:58pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my grandfather gave me a whole box of records to go with my new record player. When I thanked him, he said he'd been needing to get rid of them anyway because classical music makes him horny. I definitely didn't need to know that. FML
by Anonymous / 08/09/2016 at 11:43am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 12-year-old sister, who sometimes has difficulty coming up with the right words while speaking, used the word "intercourse" to replace "encounter". She was joking to my dad that she, "had an 'intercourse' with Bob Dylan." I can't get the image out of my head. FML
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got… 3Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for…