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gummybears99's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 02/15/2016 at 12:04pm / United States (Oregon) / Animals
Today, the play I was directing opened. The curtain opened, and my lead actor and actress weren't prepared. I could tell from the looks on their faces as the whole audience saw him balls deep in her, doggy style, on stage. FML
by headinabag33 / 02/14/2016 at 8:57pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, I was playing Badminton in P.E, and I was paired with a particularly pretty girl, who for some reason kept asking stupid questions that we both knew the answers to. I've only now just realized that she was trying to initiate conversation with me. This is why I have no friends. FML
by oblivious idiot / 02/12/2016 at 2:50am / Love
Today, I found my 6-year-old daughter recording herself on her little tape recorder. When I asked her what she was up to, she replied in her cute little voice, "I'm recording myself so you'll have a souvenir when I'm dead." FML
by DarkChild / 02/11/2016 at 5:18pm / France / Kids
Today, we had some workers come to paint my office building. As a receptionist, it's my job to stock the fridge with soda. I walked into the supply closet just in time to find a worker peeing in a bucket. I stood there for about 10 seconds before I understood what was happening and ran out. FML
by onlyolivia / 02/11/2016 at 2:55pm / United States (Maryland) / Work
by notaman / 02/11/2016 at 1:12pm / United States (Iowa) / Health
Today, I was hanging out with a friend out of state. He had some friends with him and we were all having a great time, until they found out I live in Utah. They instantly assumed I was Mormon and started to act weird around me. This is a frequent occurrence. FML
by Poppleton99 / 02/11/2016 at 1:06am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
Today, I learnt what my boss meant when he said he would 'get his revenge on me' for winning a bet. I have to clean all the rooms that currently have a couple staying in it on February 15th. I don't want to work in a hotel anymore. FML
by Hello condoms and lube / 02/09/2016 at 4:53pm / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Work
by moosemay / 02/06/2016 at 6:42am / Germany (Bayern) / Animals
by Hreid254 / 02/05/2016 at 11:07am / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, as my brother parked in our hotel's parking lot, I told him to be careful because the car wasn't straight. He retorted, "Yeah, just like you". My mother was in the back seat and heard everything. I hadn't come out yet. FML
by Anonymous / 02/05/2016 at 7:37am / Australia (Queensland) / Transportation
Today, I shared with my doctor that I still feel uncomfortable with my medication. She expressed surprise, saying, "Really? By now I would've thought it'd be routine." Sorry, no. In three months, I have not gotten used to sticking a syringe up my butt and injecting my rectum full of medicated foam. FML
by Anonymous / 02/04/2016 at 9:22pm / United States (Maryland) / Health
Today, I agreed to anal with my boyfriend, which he was happy about, until I told him in the interest of fair play he also had to let me fuck him with a strap on. It didn't take him very long to suddenly decide anal is disgusting, with all kinds of health risks. And he thinks he's the smart one. FML
by sandra / 02/04/2016 at 8:01pm / Norway (Sor-Trondelag) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/04/2016 at 5:19pm / Intimacy
by Lord_Nick / 02/03/2016 at 10:13pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous