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gummybears99's favorite FMLs
Today, I was on a date with a guy I really like. Everything went well, and then he wanted to kiss me. As he leaned towards me, I got slightly panicky and ducked out of the way, causing him to headbutt the car behind me. Now we know why I'm still a virgin. FML
by RhiannonMuh / 09/09/2016 at 4:01pm / Germany (Bayern) / Love
by KittyKat168 / 09/09/2016 at 5:34am / Germany / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband and I had sex for the first time in months. Afterwards, when he thought I was asleep, I caught him jacking off to porn. His defense: "Why should you be the only one to get off multiple times?" I got off once, from the toy he used, pre-sex. He then got mad at me for catching him. FML
by kaijen / 09/09/2016 at 1:11am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, the 3-year-old I nanny wanted to prove to me that he was tall enough to pee standing up in front of the toilet. When he realized he actually was tall enough, he got excited and misdirected his stream, covering himself, his brother, and me in urine. FML
by subtweetqueen / 09/09/2016 at 12:18am / United States (California) / Kids
by Gottabekidding / 09/08/2016 at 8:33pm / United States (Oregon) / Work
Today, at work, I needed to fart and thought it would be fast and silent, so I let it rip. I was wrong. Everyone turned around and looked at me as my fart rolled on for a good 10 seconds. The worst part, I screamed, "It wasn't me!" while I was still farting. FML
by mista hunna / 09/08/2016 at 1:31am / United States (Maryland) / Animals
Today, I went on a blind date. Things got hot and heavy, but when he pulled off my pants and saw the Pittsburgh Penguins logo on my thong he stopped and told me to get dressed and that he refused to sleep with the enemy. He was a die-hard Flyers fan. FML
by Thatgirl112 / 09/07/2016 at 11:59pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by full moon / 09/07/2016 at 10:37pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by AnxiousCucumber / 09/07/2016 at 4:41pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by ripped / 09/07/2016 at 10:57am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
by Anonymous / 09/06/2016 at 2:54pm / United States (California) / Work
by Anonymous / 09/06/2016 at 9:36am / Estonia (Tartumaa) / Miscellaneous
by SuperShy / 09/06/2016 at 12:29am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Ihatemyfamily / 09/05/2016 at 5:46pm / United States (Texas) / Health