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gummybears99's favorite FMLs
Today, I ran into a new guy at work who told me the regional manager was visiting today to evaluate the staff. I scoffed and said that everything I'd heard about the manager made him seem like a total prick. His reply? "Maybe, but I'm a prick who can FIRE people." FML
by Anonymous / 04/20/2016 at 6:04am / Australia (Victoria) / Work
Today, on the bus, my friends and I gorged ourselves on a ton of candy. When it was my stop, I began to walk to the front of the bus. Upon getting off the bus, I tried to thank the driver with a mouth full of candy. It sounded like I said "Fuck you". FML
by ScratchCatPower / 04/19/2016 at 3:04pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at a party. A guy kept looking at me, so I tried to strike up a conversation with him. I realized he was drunk when he slurred, "Ya know, you're the only girl I've met that's fat AND flat chested!" There goes my self-esteem. FML
by Anonymous / 04/19/2016 at 11:59am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, my roommates had a party while I stayed in my room, and that was fine by me. What was not fine was when a stranger broke into my room, asked to lay next to me, and then just went ahead and did it. FML
by sociallyanxiousroomie / 04/19/2016 at 6:22am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/18/2016 at 7:40pm / United States (Nevada) / Health
Today, I performed a piano piece at a school play. Everything went well until I got up and accidentally smashed my shin against one of the piano legs. Before I could bite my tongue, I'd already yelled "Fucking hell!" in front of about 50 second graders. FML
by Anonymous / 04/18/2016 at 3:28pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by empress gleskizor the third of glarkon / 04/18/2016 at 2:12pm / Hungary (Budapest) / Miscellaneous
Today, I started my period almost a week earlier than I expected to. I also happened to be at the beach with a guy that I really liked when it started. He was the one who noticed, and he informed me by saying that we couldn't go back in the water or we would be eaten by sharks. FML
by Unsuspecting / 04/16/2016 at 8:23am / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 04/15/2016 at 3:46pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, after a long day, I energetically took off my belt to take my pants off and relax. In doing so, I whipped the belt around in the air, causing it to spin around and slap me right in my tender ballsack. I almost threw up. FML
by Anonymous / 04/14/2016 at 1:13am / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 04/13/2016 at 7:46pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work
Today, I went to take my permit test. I had been studying for months and was familiar with the whole book. When I sat down to take my test, I didn't recognize any of the questions. I went home and found out the book I used to study was the book my mom used to take her test in 1970. FML
by dk_2k16 / 04/12/2016 at 4:29pm / United States (Mississippi) / Work
Today, I found my shower loofa near the bathroom trash. My husband has a habit of throwing things out of the shower if they are in his way, so I thought nothing of it and took at bath with it. When he came home from work, he said he had thrown it away because he used it to clean the toilet. FML
by ew / 04/12/2016 at 1:53pm / United States / Love
Today, I overheard a coworker talking about going to what sounded like a dentist's appointment. As she left later, I jokingly said "Remember to open wide!" Turned out her appointment was with her OB/GYN, not a dentist. FML
by Anonymous / 04/12/2016 at 11:44am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
by BlueyedKat / 04/11/2016 at 1:40pm / United States (Texas) / Work