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gummybears99's favorite FMLs
Today, I woke up to find my face covered in scratches, some of them bleeding. I was rather puzzled, as I don't have a cat. Then I realised that the feathers in my pillow had stuck out and scratched my face. I was attacked by my own pillow. FML
by Anonymous / 10/20/2016 at 9:17am / United Kingdom (Kent) / Health
Today, at the register, I got a spontaneous nose bleed. The lady behind the counter apparently didn't do well with blood. Her face turned white, she passed out and fell with her head on the counter. FML
Today, my class had a very important meeting about workplace safety. I thought I led some of my classmates to the meeting very well, until they informed me that I accidentally ran a red light on the way there. They brought this infraction up during the class every chance they got. FML
by greeter / 10/18/2016 at 2:49am / Canada (New Brunswick) / Work
Today, in a department store, a woman with a parrot sitting on her shoulder was trying to return a coffee maker. She explained that she had to return the coffee maker because the bird didn't like it sitting on the kitchen counter. FML
by oped01 / 10/17/2016 at 8:15pm / United States (Florida) / Animals
by dez / 10/16/2016 at 1:05am / United States (Kentucky) / Work
Today, after a week of rejoicing that my petty, passive-aggressive, bullying neighbours were moving away, I came home to find the "to let" board had been outside the wrong house the whole time. It's actually the people I really like who are moving away. FML
by Jade / 10/15/2016 at 7:22am / United Kingdom (Brent) / Miscellaneous
by unluckysamaritan / 10/15/2016 at 4:51am / Sweden (Skane Lan) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boss berated me in front of 2 other coworkers about how unprofessional it was for me to show up to work with a clearly visible hickey. I had to explain to him that my "hickey" was actually a huge pimple that had bruised up after I popped it. FML
by Neckbruise101 / 10/15/2016 at 2:01am / United States (California) / Work
by faeliality / 10/15/2016 at 1:54am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I skipped class and went to back my apartment early. I found that my roommate had broken into my room and was laying in my bed wearing my underwear, taking pictures of herself. Apparently, she's been doing it all semester. FML
by NewRoommateNeededASAP / 10/12/2016 at 9:29pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 10/11/2016 at 1:23am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, I turned on my furnace when I got home from work for the first time this season. Only problem? Cats. Our kitten Norman has never heard a furnace in his life and Noel has just forgotten what a furnace sounds like. Both cats are terrified and won't stop yelping. I just want to sleep. FML
by chrisinator / 10/11/2016 at 12:21am / United States (New York) / Animals
Today, my roommate observed that if my eyes were turned upside down, they would look the same - and proved it with Photoshop. After a bit of thought, she decided that it's because the bags under my eyes are dark enough to look like eyelids. FML
by eyebags / 10/10/2016 at 9:04am / United States (Virginia) / Health
Today, I realized how stagnant my life has become when, while eating some leftover salad with crackers I'd left out the night before, I decided to open some new crackers and put them with the stale, and giggled to myself about the excitement of "cracker roulette." FML
by amandanoelle / 10/09/2016 at 2:42am / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous
by Amie89 / 10/09/2016 at 12:37am / United States (Ohio) / Kids
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…