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gummybears99's favorite FMLs
Today, I was laying on the couch with a cast on my broken ankle. My brother thought it would be funny to shoot my cast with a high-powered pellet gun. It went straight through the cast and now I need to go back to the hospital. FML
by brandogg / 04/29/2016 at 8:11pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous
by Anon / 04/28/2016 at 4:27pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love
Today, I saw my cat licking something on the side of the road and went to check what it was. It was someone's old cigarette. I now know why she wants to be let out so often: She's addicted to nicotine. FML
by Emmaraine189 / 04/27/2016 at 10:22pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Animals
Today, I realized that my somewhat flamboyant behavior may have given people the wrong impression when my classmate tried to set me up with one of her male friends. I've been trying to work up the courage to ask her out all semester. FML
by Gaylord / 04/27/2016 at 10:17pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, while being intimate with my future husband, I reached over to stroke his cheek. The light behind him cast a shadow over my chest, and it scared me so much, I screamed then I farted on him. FML
by Dramaqueenfornothing / 04/27/2016 at 6:32pm / South Africa (Western Cape) / Love
Today, I missed an interview to work in a school as a teacher's assistant because the email inviting me to attend got buried among the spam emails. Oh well, back to my usual job as an assistant janitor. Yes, that's right, assistant janitor. It's the same job as a real janitor, but for less pay. FML
by oh, feck off / 04/27/2016 at 9:02am / United Kingdom (Leeds) / Work
by Anonymous / 04/27/2016 at 6:39am / United States (California) / Work
Today, I rolled my ankle, got pink eye, and have the flu. Unable to stand long enough to cook myself a meal, I opted for delivery. When I opened the door for the delivery boy, he backed away frantically with his arms up upon seeing me. Apparently, I look just as shitty as I feel. FML
by Sick As Hell / 04/27/2016 at 3:22am / United States (Iowa) / Health
by Sting / 04/26/2016 at 4:49pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals
Today, my brothers thought it would be funny to put me inside a huge luggage bag we got for a trip to Canada. It was all fun and games until they dragged me outside, kicked me down a few steps, and left me stuck in the bag, locked outside with the cat. FML
by TheNotSoGoodDay / 04/25/2016 at 7:29pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML
by hotmess / 04/24/2016 at 11:49pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by Anonymous / 04/22/2016 at 8:33pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by dvddtraveller / 04/22/2016 at 5:25pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I caught my 7 year old sister poking a dead bird with a stick, causing maggots to start coming out of the bird's sad little body. I was horrified and threw up. She won't stop mocking me for being a "sissy". FML
by Anonymous / 04/22/2016 at 3:41pm / United States (Nevada) / Kids
by Traffickills / 04/21/2016 at 8:30pm / United States (Maryland) / Love