Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

guineagirl

Offline (the 01/24/2016 at 11:14pm) | Search for a member

guineagirl

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 16663
  • Number of comments : 56
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About guineagirl : note to self my mother is the bringer of death

guineagirl's page activity

Visits<b>creepy_girl</b> - the 01/03/2016 at 7:58pm<b>ASuperWhoLockian</b> - the 12/31/2015 at 8:04pm<b>FyeahPoet</b> - the 12/25/2015 at 9:25pm<b>Y0UI34574RD</b> - the 12/25/2015 at 2:29pm<b>losersanonymous</b> - the 12/25/2015 at 12:05am<b>BabooonLove</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 11:14pm<b>NYGiants1925</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 5:09am<b>Babygirl117</b> - the 12/19/2015 at 10:12pm<b>Soparot</b> - the 12/19/2015 at 8:52pm<b>LWSilverMoon</b> - the 12/19/2015 at 6:00pm<b>WolfAvenge</b> - the 12/19/2015 at 4:07pm<b>brenton490</b> - the 12/19/2015 at 3:40pm<b>sanchogrim</b> - the 12/19/2015 at 2:41pm<b>Jiratias</b> - the 12/19/2015 at 1:54pm<b>shain1988</b> - the 11/26/2015 at 3:51pm<b>Ajax_Teh_Great</b> - the 10/23/2015 at 8:24pm<b>jsb1426</b> - the 08/21/2015 at 7:56am<b>bandeek</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 6:17pm

Fucked!<b>creepy_girl</b> - the 01/04/2016 at 1:58am<b>bandeek</b> - the 06/13/2015 at 6:43am<b>Raath00</b> - the 11/13/2014 at 2:16am

guineagirl's FML badges

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

See all of guineagirl's badges

guineagirl's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out I was the top ranking sales person for 2014. What did last year's winner receive? An all-expenses paid weekend holiday. What did I receive? A ham. I'm vegetarian. FML

#21321989
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36871) - you deserved it (4025)

On 12/22/2014 at 9:24am - work - by Bahhumbug (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my girlfriend of two years asked me why I would never tie her shoes for her. I confessed to her my deep hatred of feet. Later, I woke up from a nap next to my girlfriend. With her feet in my mouth. FML

#21321894
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34956) - you deserved it (6336)

On 12/22/2014 at 3:05am - love - by ScottyB - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, immediately after being informed of the sketchy activities that take place in our store parking lot after dark, I'm handed an orange vest and told to go out there to retrieve carts. FML

#21321892
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29096) - you deserved it (2398)

On 12/22/2014 at 2:53am - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, since it's company policy, I had to go to the back of my small store to retrieve an item for a customer, even though I was working by myself. I came back to find that since she couldn't get into the cash register, she found and stole my purse instead. FML

#21321861
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31678) - you deserved it (3228)

On 12/22/2014 at 1:25am - misc - by Retailhell (woman) - United States

Today, a customer came in with a laptop smashed beyond repair. She asked if we could recover her files, but thanks to my idiot boss' new store policy I had to ask her a bunch of questions, including if she had tried "turning it on and off". She stared at me, speechless, like I was a complete moron. FML

#21321539
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37143) - you deserved it (4213)

On 12/21/2014 at 2:08pm - work - by anonix (man) - Canada

Today, I was about to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time. As things got heated, he broke down crying. I assumed it was just anxiety so I hugged him and told him it's alright and that it didn't matter, we'd try another time. Half an hour later, he confessed that he's actually gay. FML

Today, my 7-year-old daughter loudly asked in the middle of the supermarket, "Mummy, what's a cunt?" FML

#21321028
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32425) - you deserved it (3721)

On 12/20/2014 at 5:42pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I took a late-night shower. When I got out afterwards, the bathroom door was ajar, and I could have sworn I heard the faint patter of footsteps in the kitchen. "It's probably the cat," I told myself. Then I went upstairs and saw my cat asleep on my bed. FML

#21320813
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34280) - you deserved it (2756)

On 12/20/2014 at 9:41am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, after six long, hard years of involuntary celibacy, I was finally about to get laid. Except it was just a dream, and in it my mom stormed in just as things got heated, called me a useless cunt, and told me to go do my chores. I guess my brain forgot I moved out years ago. FML

#21320480
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35119) - you deserved it (4411)

On 12/19/2014 at 6:14pm - intimacy - by giantblueballsthesizeofjohnnysinscock (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, the lady whose son I babysit sent me a text, saying she left a gift for me for all the hard work I've done. I found a beautifully-wrapped box where she said the gift was. It turned out my actual gift was cookies sitting right next to it. FML

Today, I found out my girlfriend and all of our friends have begun referring to the time I was meant to lose my virginity, but couldn't get hard, as the "cheese stick incident." They all think it's hilarious, and the worst part is that it's actually a pretty appropriate description. FML

#21319860
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34557) - you deserved it (4721)

On 12/18/2014 at 5:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend jokingly said that if I didn't pass my exam, he wouldn't have sex with me for a month. I failed it, and now he thinks I did it on purpose. FML

#21319715
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34334) - you deserved it (5197)

On 12/18/2014 at 12:59pm - love - by peteto818 (woman) - Bulgaria (Pernik)

Today, I felt a horrible pain while having sex with my wife, and I had to stop. I thought it was a hernia or something, but she called me a liar and accused me of everything from not finding her attractive, to me cheating on her. It turned out I had appendicitis. She still won't apologize. FML

#21319192
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42379) - you deserved it (2912)

On 12/17/2014 at 3:09pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out of my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML

#21319149
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32351) - you deserved it (6328)

On 12/17/2014 at 1:47pm - misc - by RIP Turd (peacebeuponit) (man) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: