Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

guineagirl

Offline (the 01/24/2016 at 11:14pm) | Search for a member

guineagirl

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 16714
  • Number of comments : 56
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About guineagirl : note to self my mother is the bringer of death

guineagirl's page activity

Visits<b>creepy_girl</b> - the 01/03/2016 at 7:58pm<b>ASuperWhoLockian</b> - the 12/31/2015 at 8:04pm<b>FyeahPoet</b> - the 12/25/2015 at 9:25pm<b>Y0UI34574RD</b> - the 12/25/2015 at 2:29pm<b>losersanonymous</b> - the 12/25/2015 at 12:05am<b>BabooonLove</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 11:14pm<b>NYGiants1925</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 5:09am<b>Babygirl117</b> - the 12/19/2015 at 10:12pm<b>Soparot</b> - the 12/19/2015 at 8:52pm<b>LWSilverMoon</b> - the 12/19/2015 at 6:00pm<b>WolfAvenge</b> - the 12/19/2015 at 4:07pm<b>brenton490</b> - the 12/19/2015 at 3:40pm<b>sanchogrim</b> - the 12/19/2015 at 2:41pm<b>Jiratias</b> - the 12/19/2015 at 1:54pm<b>shain1988</b> - the 11/26/2015 at 3:51pm<b>Ajax_Teh_Great</b> - the 10/23/2015 at 8:24pm<b>jsb1426</b> - the 08/21/2015 at 7:56am<b>bandeek</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 6:17pm

Fucked!<b>creepy_girl</b> - the 01/04/2016 at 1:58am<b>bandeek</b> - the 06/13/2015 at 6:43am<b>Raath00</b> - the 11/13/2014 at 2:16am

guineagirl's FML badges

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

See all of guineagirl's badges

guineagirl's favorite FMLs

Today, my cat regurgitated his food right on top of a heating vent located on my floor. Now the whole house smells like hot vomit. FML

#21501908
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21534) - you deserved it (1956)

On 12/09/2015 at 2:26pm - animals - by Jack W. - United States

Today, I was talking to my boss at the end of an awesome internship. He said he was really satisfied with my work, and that he had considered hiring me. Turns out he decided not to because I smile too much and it unnerves him. FML

Today, I was so inexplicably horny that I had to shuffle awkwardly and use my bag to hide the wetness of my pants as I left work for the day. FML

#21501271
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22235) - you deserved it (3165)

On 12/07/2015 at 9:32pm - intimacy - by Hormones apparently (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I came home to my mentally unhinged roommate jacking off to a frozen TV frame of Peggy Hill from King of the Hill. When he saw me, he threw an ash tray at me and told me to get out. FML

#21501232
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21589) - you deserved it (1860)

On 12/07/2015 at 7:40pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I had to explain to my Romanian colleague that, no, a cat flap is not a euphemism for a vagina. FML

#21500678
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20395) - you deserved it (1719)

On 12/06/2015 at 8:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, I staged an intervention for my dad, because his midlife crisis has spun out of control. When I told him he's now basically endangering his own life, he replied "Everyone's gonna die someday. Some sooner than others, eh porky?" FML

#21500277
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20425) - you deserved it (2091)

On 12/05/2015 at 1:49am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 6-year-old daughter watched The Lion King for the first time. Now, whenever I ask her to do something, she replies "Hakuna Matata" and doesn't even get up. I think she took "no worries" to mean "don't give a shit about anything". FML

#21500134
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23356) - you deserved it (2635)

On 12/04/2015 at 7:32pm - kids - by anon (woman) - United States

Today, through a mutual friend I met with a girl from Netherlands for dinner. At some point, she told me I have an Antillean accent, referring to the Dutch Antilles. I was born and raised nowhere near those islands, but my former boyfriend of 5 years is Antillean. Now I have his accent. FML

#21499888
6 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21635) - you deserved it (2277)

On 12/04/2015 at 12:41am - misc - by notfromanisland -

Today, my extremely religious grandmother disowned me for watching Supernatural. FML

#21498905
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24797) - you deserved it (2586)

On 12/01/2015 at 11:39am - misc - by ygma - United States (Texas)

Today, I had a dream where I was giving Justin Bieber a blowjob. I'm a totally straight male. I have half a mind to bill the little bastard for therapy sessions. FML

#21489306
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22136) - you deserved it (5546)

On 11/06/2015 at 5:39pm - misc - by honk honk, fuckwad (man) - United States (California)

Today, I noticed a guy checking out my ass in the mirror behind the bar where I work. He was cute, so I thought I'd put on a little show. I bent over to reach for something near the floor, which caused me to let rip a series of uncontrollable farts, like popping bubble wrap. He quickly left. FML

#21482104
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24838) - you deserved it (10884)

On 10/20/2015 at 6:13am - love - by bubblewrap (woman) - United Kingdom (Swindon)

Today, my wife was in seemingly never-ending labor. It got so bad, I overheard a nurse in the doorway mutter to a coworker that she hoped my baby would just die or something, so she could finally go take a smoke break. FML

#21439756
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37539) - you deserved it (1958)

On 07/10/2015 at 9:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I made a nursing home resident laugh so hard that he had a heart attack. FML

#21420106
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32115) - you deserved it (2988)

On 06/03/2015 at 6:15am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I slept through my alarm because it was drowned out by humming. My humming, in my sleep. Even my body is against me waking up on time. FML

#21381631
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26457) - you deserved it (2758)

On 03/25/2015 at 11:43pm - health - by anonymous - United States

Today, I went to a club to celebrate New Year's Eve. A cute guy came up to me at the bar and asked my name. I thought my 8 year long dry spell was finally about to end. I smiled and said "Chrissy!" He said "That's a whore's name!" and wandered back off into the crowd. FML

#21327860
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34828) - you deserved it (3403)

On 12/31/2014 at 2:39pm - love - by cakestar9 (woman) - Ireland (Clare)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: