About guineagirl96 : Hi! I'm a math/CS major also minoring in music and dance. I play oboe, english horn, baroque oboe, oboe d'amore, bass oboe, soprano sax, and jazz piano. In addition, I sing and am technically a soprano, but my range is so large that I often sing tenor or alto 2. I also have three guinea pigs. But most of all, I'm the world's biggest klutz.
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guineagirl96's favorite FMLs
by ihatecoldfeet / 03/29/2015 at 4:54am / United States (Montana) / Animals
by beccadabeast / 06/30/2014 at 2:44am / United States (Arizona) / Animals
Today, I was at my mom's funeral. My sisters and I were sitting in the front row. The funeral director, whom we had met with twice before, was going around greeting everyone. When she got to us, she asked where our mom was. Seriously? FML
by Alex / 06/26/2014 at 5:13pm / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was talking to my boss about dogs and cats. I'm a dog person; he's a cat person. He told me that he likes cats better, because they are laid back and don't do anything all day. Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "Just like you?" FML
by Respect101 / 06/25/2014 at 8:20pm / United States (Texas) / Work
by Anonymous / 05/14/2014 at 4:43pm / United States (South Carolina) / Animals
Today, a customer cussed me out for hiding behind the counter a jacket she's been "eyeing since it came out". She loudly exclaimed that she was going to report me to my manager and get me "fired." It was my personal jacket that we don't even sell. FML
by ktmla / 05/11/2014 at 12:13am / United States (Florida) / Work
by mlowy / 05/09/2014 at 1:35am / Azerbaijan (Baki) / Miscellaneous
Today, I read that egg whites make a good hair treatment. Everything was going fine until, without thinking, I turned the hot water on to wash it out. I'm still picking the cooked egg out of my hair. FML
by EggHead / 05/03/2014 at 12:57am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, my teenage daughter tried to convince me that the UK is a part of Canada. After I pulled out a map to prove her wrong, she got all angry and defensive, and said that nobody's perfect at "geometry". My daughter is an idiot. FML
by Anonymous / 04/25/2014 at 5:21pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
by Anonymous / 04/20/2014 at 12:03am / United States (Idaho) / Animals
Today, I was eating an apple in class. When I went to take a big bite, my teeth went right through the apple, causing me to scrape the apple right up my face. My nose then started to bleed. I'm now known as the girl who punched herself in the face with an apple. FML
by Nose bleed / 04/15/2014 at 10:48pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health
Today, I went to the store to buy a phone I saw last week. I looked around a little first, then continued to the electronics section. I couldn't find the phone I saw, so I went to leave. Halfway to the exit, I was detained by security and grilled for ages over my "suspicious behaviour". FML
by Anonymous / 04/04/2014 at 3:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, disappointed with my results on a mathematics test, I went over it and realized my teacher had added up the marks incorrectly, leaving me with 17% less than I earned. The person who's supposed to be teaching me math can't even perform basic arithmetic. FML
by Anonymous / 04/01/2014 at 1:07pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was texting an artist friend telling her I wanted to buy her paintings; going on and on about how much I wanted it and loved the way they looked and couldn't wait to have them. I realized my phone had corrected paintings to panties. FML
by BigBlue / 03/19/2014 at 7:19pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, while I thought I'd never had an orgasm, my doctor informed me that I'm actually having orgasms almost every time I have sex. They just feel like utterly frustrating, slightly painful, unpleasurable and completely unsatisfying muscle contractions. FML
by HanBroman / 03/17/2014 at 4:05am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…
- Today, I walked in on my daughter shaving the testicles of her boyfriend, who had apparently snuck… Today, I walked into the bathroom and found my sister cleaning her vibrator. With my toothbrush. FML Today, as I was walking downstairs to get breakfast, I saw my parents had decided to have a quickie…