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Today, I forgot my inhaler. I had an asthma attack and had to go to the ER. The doctors told me it wasn't an asthma attack. It was just a panic attack from worrying about whether I would get an asthma attack. FML
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On 05/01/2009 at 5:07pm - health - by jlover42 (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I took a bath with what I thought was my waterproof vibrator. It wasn't. Apparently my boyfriend found me passed out in the tub from an electric shock with my vibrator floating next to me. He refused to call a doctor and insisted on interrogating me about what he's doing wrong in bed. FML
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On 05/01/2009 at 5:46am - misc - by uhoh (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, I didn't have any money to buy a tampon from the dispenser at my school but my hands are small enough so I can just slide them up and grab one. My hand got stuck in the dispenser and my school had to call the fire department. Now everyone calls me tampon girl. FML
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On 04/30/2009 at 3:56pm - misc - by obeezy (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, a telemarketer called for my dad. Jokingly, I said, "I haven't seen him for like five days...I'm starting to get worried," in my best child-like voice. Apparently the telemarketer called Child Protective Services. I'm 20. FML
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On 04/30/2009 at 2:03pm - misc - by Telemistake (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was on my way home when I saw a cop hiding behind a Budget truck. I immediately slowed down and prayed that he wouldn't give me a ticket. Then I realized I was walking. FML
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On 04/30/2009 at 1:41pm - misc - by kas (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I called my mom into my room to ask her to bring me something. She reffered to me as a "lazy fat slug." I'm 38 weeks pregnant and was put on emergancy bedrest by my doctor. FML
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On 04/29/2009 at 10:03pm - misc - by prego (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I came home from work and went to open the door. I Iooked in the window and saw a man in my house. Terrified, I called the police. They came, searched the house, and found nothing missing. I went back inside and looked through the window and saw him again. It was my reflection. FML
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On 04/29/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I found out I have a restraining order against me from my ex boyfriend. Apparently, I drive by his house too much and it is considered stalking. He forgot that I live 2 houses down, and MUST drive by his house to get home. FML
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On 04/29/2009 at 1:06am - misc - by kattydoo07 - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was walking into my living room when I slipped over the carpet, bashed my head on my glass table, and was moaning in pain on the floor. My parents came running when they heard my head bang... straight to the table to see if there were any scratches on it. FML
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On 04/28/2009 at 8:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I told my mom I'm severely allergic to my cat and that the doctor told me it would be best to get rid of the cat. Somewhat jokingly, I told her it was either me or the cat. She chose the cat. She was serious too. FML
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On 04/28/2009 at 7:05pm - misc - by My_Cow_kiM (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was taking my boyfriend to meet my grandparents. They live on the 27th floor. Alone in the elevator we started making out. Turns out that theres a camera in the elevator, connected to every apartment. My grandma asked me how it was. FML
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On 04/27/2009 at 3:41pm - misc - by fmylifechelsea (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I asked my boyfriend why he dates me. He immediately responded, "Well, TV shows are boring and predictable, so you're a good source of fresh and interesting drama." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33722) - you totally deserved it (20539)
On 04/14/2009 at 12:44am - love - by dramaqueen (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I woke up a little after seven. I felt sick to my stomach because last night was my bachelor party and I drank more than I ever have before. I checked my phone, and I had received 42 missed calls. It was seven o'clock pm. Today was my wedding day. FML
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On 04/03/2009 at 12:19am - love - by kenken2 (man) - United States (California)
Today, my friend was saying how her 'nano' died. I quickly responded by saying "so? recharge it." Turns out she didn't say 'nano', she'd said 'nana'. FML
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On 04/02/2009 at 12:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)
Today, I was shaving off my beard for the first time in a very long time. I decided to have a little fun with it, and shaved my beard first into a goatee, then a handle-bar, then, finally, into a Hitler mustache. My electric razor dies. I don't have a normal one or an extra battery. FML
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On 03/25/2009 at 10:13am - misc - by nomorebeard (man) - United States (North Carolina)
