Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Online | Search for a member
This member hasn't filled in the description.
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Today, I was ringing an elderly gentleman up at work. As I went to package up the buns he ordered, he held up a hand and told me to wait. He then looked me in the eyes, started squeezing them, then winked and told me to go ahead. I've never felt so violated. FML
Today, as I came home from school, I saw a little rock in the road. I kicked it, intending to send it sailing into the bushes in front of my house. It went wide and sailed straight into a window instead. FML
Today, while at a funeral for a distant family member, I was giving my condolences to the family. When one of them asked how I was doing, I replied with, "I'm still alive!", which is one of my standard responses due to being a cashier and being asked that question a hundred times a day. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me a teddy bear. I thought it was a sweet thing to do, until I saw him open a slit in its back while visiting later in the day and removing a bag of weed. He gave me a teddy bear just so he could smuggle drugs past my parents. FML
Today, after months of looking at cribs and picking out the perfect one for my unborn daughter, the store informed me that they no longer make that crib, even though the model is right there on the sales floor. I had to leave as my hormones got the best of me and I started bawling. FML
Today, after years of insomnia and going to doctors to help get a regular sleeping pattern, I finally fell asleep without the help of medication, only to dream about being chased by an angry seal and singing to Rihanna with a horse. This is probably why I don't sleep. FML
Today, I was in the process of finally losing my virginity. Part-way through, my neighbour started shouting from his backyard, "Go, Nicolas! You can do it!" He was talking to his son, but the two of us have the same name. I couldn't finish. FML
Today, I finally finished making my daughter's wedding cake. When I checked on it later, I found a large slice had been cut out. I soon found out that my husband had instagrammed himself eating it, with the caption "#guiltypleasures". FML
Today, me and my boyfriend were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cock blocked me. FML
Friday 21 November 2014