About grogers311 : Bass player.
Star Wars nerd.
About grogers311 : Bass player.
grogers311's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
What'cha looking at?
You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
grogers311's favorite FMLs
by SKYYYLLLARRRR!!!! / 02/01/2015 at 11:17am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first handjob. I was nervous, so when she went to do it, I panicked and yelled, "Firmly grasp it!" She then couldn't stop laughing because it was a line from SpongeBob. FML
by con135 / 01/12/2015 at 8:16pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me over a stupid argument, but after a long day we made up and got back together. Not long afterwards, my friend called, feeling guilty and confessing that he had sex with her after finding out she'd dumped me. FML
by Anonymous / 01/07/2015 at 2:37pm / Guam / Love
Today, I snooped around my parents' room looking for hidden Christmas presents. The only hidden things I found was a whip, two ball gags, several other sex toys, and a load of newspaper clippings about the JFK assassination. What the fuck? FML
by .__. / 12/07/2014 at 3:10am / United Kingdom (Brent) / Miscellaneous
Today, I have such severe ADD that I can't focus without my medication. When I take the medication, I can only focus on one thing, but not necessarily the thing I need to be focusing on. I have a chem test soon, and I've been vacuuming my room for the past 4 hours. FML
by Anonymous / 09/25/2014 at 3:32pm / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML
by Sinnersinner / 09/21/2014 at 7:27am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by disappointedjamaican / 08/31/2014 at 2:44pm / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Miscellaneous
by anon / 08/31/2014 at 11:14am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I was watching the movie Frozen with my 8 year old daughter. I had seen it before, so I sung along with some of the songs. My daughter put a finger over my lips, said "Shhhhhhhhut the fuck up," then turned back to the TV, giggling. FML
by JackieD / 08/25/2014 at 2:05pm / United States (Washington) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/22/2014 at 2:41pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, while walking to work, I saw a homeless guy with a funny "NEED MONEY 4 BOOZE" sign, so I gave him a few spare dollars for his humor. On my way back home, he was out cold on the sidewalk with several empty bottles beside him. Whoops. FML
by thoughthewasjoking / 08/15/2014 at 5:10pm / United States (Alabama) / Money
Today, I made fun of a girl singing passionately along to a song on her radio while in traffic next to me. She decided that her chocolate milkshake would make a good addition to my brand new seat covers. FML
by oops / 08/14/2014 at 5:54pm / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, I read a book by a former client who did time for fraud. She swears she's innocent, and blames everyone for her "ordeal": the police, court, judge, and me, her own attorney. She conveniently forgot to mention her two full confessions, one of which was given before the judge. FML
by Anonymous / 07/18/2014 at 4:04pm / Cura?ao / Work
Today, I parked my motorcycle in a parking spot. When I came back, my bike had been moved and was laying on its side with a note saying, "Sorry I dropped your motorcycle I was trying to move it forward so I could park my car because there weren't any other spots." FML
by AJL / 07/03/2014 at 9:30pm / United States / Transportation
by Tattery / 07/03/2014 at 7:55pm / Australia (South Australia) / Intimacy
- Today, at my friends work I went to use the restroom and I managed to drop my keys in the toilet. I… Today I was fired for apparently submitting a report with inappropriate words in it. When I called… Today, a homeless man ran by me, smacked my butt, winked, and ran away laughing. I definitely felt…