About grogers311 : Bass player.
Star Wars nerd.
About grogers311 : Bass player.
grogers311's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
grogers311's favorite FMLs
Today, I was woken by the sound of music coming from my living room at 1:30 am. My cat had managed to turn on the stereo and turn the volume all the way up. Just as I fell asleep again, there was a knock at the door. The police showed up about a noise complaint. FML
by elguapo3745 / 02/29/2016 at 1:20pm / United States (Kentucky) / Animals
by wet dreams / 02/12/2016 at 12:46pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
by failing / 10/16/2015 at 12:40pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I caught two kids passing notes to each other in my class, so I told them to see me afterwards. When one of the kids eventually came up, I noticed he was crying. He looked up at me and sobbed out, "I was trying to make my first friend!" FML
by Anonymous / 09/08/2015 at 8:03pm / Kids
Today, I, along with two cops and another paramedic, had to fight to pin down some total scumsucker. He was high out of his mind on god knows what, in his underwear, screaming like a maniac outside someone else's house at 2 in the morning. I don't get paid nearly enough for this shit. FML
by hook me up with some smack, Jack / 08/01/2015 at 2:18am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
by Marika / 07/20/2015 at 1:48pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was Skyping with my girlfriend. I was so incredibly tired and just wanted to go to bed, but she just kept talking and wouldn't let me go. I ended up blurting "Your mom's a cunt." just to start a fight and have an excuse to hang up on her. I feel like an asshole. FML
by Anonymous / 07/17/2015 at 8:54pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love
Today, my crackhead neighbour got slightly annoyed at my 2-day-old daughter's late-night wailing. Well, I think so, anyway, as she politely requested us to "SHUT THAT CUNT KID UP." or she would "BLOW BOTH OUR HOUSES UP, YOU FUCKING ASSFUCKS." But I'm not 100% sure. FML
by Anonymous / 05/29/2015 at 11:51pm / Australia / Kids
Today, I came out as bisexual to my 17-year-old sister. She was quiet for a second, then told me she knows for sure I only have "girl parts". I had to explain to her the difference between being bi and being a hermaphrodite. FML
by Notthatone / 04/21/2015 at 7:00pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
by waxer150 / 03/22/2015 at 6:32pm / United States (Ohio) / Work
by Blonde / 03/10/2015 at 11:03pm / Canada (Ontario) / Geek
Today, my little sister complained about a young boy in her class always pulling her hair. She asked when boys will stop doing it. My mom replied, "They won't, even when they're grown-ups," then looked over at my dad and shared a dirty smirk. FML
by greatly disturbed / 03/07/2015 at 2:09pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by teapotrevolt / 03/02/2015 at 3:40pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Health
Today, I tried to blackmail my douchebag boss for a raise, since I had ample proof that he's screwing a co-worker. Turns out he and his wife are in an open relationship, and HR doesn't give a damn about office romances. Now I have to quit or deal with the most hostile work environment ever. FML
by Anonymous / 02/18/2015 at 1:06pm / United Kingdom (Norfolk) / Work
Today, while shopping with my 6-year-old daughter, she said, "Mommy, remember you wanna get duck tape!" A middle-aged guy nearby scoffed and told her: "DUCT, not DUCK. Dumb cunt." I ended up having to drive my bawling daughter home with no shopping. FML
by Anonymous / 02/08/2015 at 2:16pm / Kids
- Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner so she could meet my parents. Over the dinner, she… Today, my boyfriend was watching TV, when we started getting frisky. I'd just started to give him a… Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. She pulls out a freezer bag full of condoms and…
- Today, I had a presentation at work. Thinking to save time, I decided to use AirPlay on my phone. I… last night, my girlfriend was giving me an amazing blow job. right when I leaned my head back and… Today, it's only my second week of work at my new job as a housekeeper for an assisted living home.…