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grimezy121's favorite FMLs
Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML
by valnaj1 / 12/24/2012 at 10:03pm / Denmark (Syddanmark) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/06/2011 at 11:23am / United States (Minnesota) / Love
Today, my house got broken into. Thankfully they didn't steal anything. They did, however, move things around into strange places and mess up my underwear. I have severe OCD, so this is probably worse than if they had taken everything. FML
by WTFwhywouldyoudothat / 08/22/2011 at 6:10pm / United Kingdom (Rotherham) / Miscellaneous
Today, I decided to fake it when my husband and I were making love. Afterwards, he told me that he could tell my head was "really in the game" and felt a stronger connection with me now and was glad I opened up and "let go" with him. FML
by shouldabeenapornstar / 03/17/2010 at 11:46am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by chanclepants / 01/27/2010 at 8:35am / Intimacy
Today, I was talking this pretty religious girl that I like. We were playing a game and I asked her if she could go back in history and meet anyone who would it be. She said Jesus. Without thinking I said "I mean someone that was real." FML
by Ben / 01/24/2010 at 10:31pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, around 2:00 a.m. I had just sat down on my couch when I noticed one of my cats poking at what appeared to be a toy. I attempted to pick it up to play with the cat when it started to move like a mouse. I squealed like a girl and woke up my wife upstairs. I'm a 26-year-old man. FML
by Anonymous / 01/12/2010 at 2:45am / United States (Ohio) / Animals
by omglifee / 12/19/2009 at 11:13pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Silent / 12/03/2009 at 12:50pm / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Intimacy
by moon_paw / 11/28/2009 at 11:17am / United States (South Carolina) / Love
Today, I was on webcam with my boyfriend and absent-mindedly began sucking on a marker. He jokingly told me it was sexy, so I continued while making obscene gestures and moans. Suddenly he began to look nervous. I turned around to see my dad looking at me, disgusted and confused. FML
by NotSoSexy / 11/25/2009 at 7:39pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I woke up with a bloody nose and my lamp next to me in bed. Apparently I grabbed the cord of the lamp and yanked while I was sleeping, and it fell on my face. The worst part? My boyfriend saw it was going to happen, but didn't stop me because he thought it would be funny to "see my reaction." FML
by oww / 11/15/2009 at 2:38pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband came home from shopping with my 4 year old daughter and showed me a shirt she picked out herself. The shirt read "My mom's easy i'm living proof." Apparently she just liked the colours and her father agreed. FML
by naughtyshirt / 08/22/2009 at 5:29am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his family. They were drinking and having fun, so I joined in. I had one too many, got really goofy and then suggested the farting game. "Sorry, I can't hold my liquor!" I quickly explained. My boyfriend's mom shot me a cold look and said, "It's non-alcoholic." FML
by probably_the_ex_now / 08/18/2009 at 4:04am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…