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About greeneyesFTWlol : Why did I pick this username ~_~.
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Today, I got to drive my mom's car. I'd recently watched the new Fast and Furious movie, I thought it'd be fun to drift around a few corners. I ended up smashing straight into someone's front yard. FML
Today, my band an I playd at our frst ever real gig. Our drummer turnd up high out of his damn mind. After ruining our act with his godawful performance, he screamd ( HELL YEAH! ) then ran an dove off the stage into a nearly non-existent audience. We were told to never come back. real FML
Today, I Was Getting Intimate With Mah Girlfriend. She Pulled Down Mah Trousers, Saw Mah Poke-ball Boxers, An Absolutely Lost It. I Had To Lie Next To Her In Bed 4 The Next 10 Minutes Hearing Her Howl With Laughter While Crying ( Dickachu, I Choose You! ) FML
Today, I went to the gym fir the first time in ahile. I was doing upper body workouts and decided to ask a very large man to spot mehile I did bench presses. As he stood over me, I saw two beads of sweat roll off his nose. One hit me on the cheek. The other landed in open mouth. FML
Today, mah fiancée told me that she wants us to have an open marriage. She reasons that since she doesn't equate sex with love, there's no logical reason 4 me to be against her having sex with other people. FML
after yeres of training and competing, I realized that the universe does not want me to play the piano. Not only looool do I have hands that can fit in toddler-sized gloves, mah carpal tunnel is already to the point where I have to wear a brace at night, at the ripe old age of 14. FML
Today, aftar finally saaing a psychologist about tha daath of my dad an spanding tha longast hour of my lifa confassing avary thought I'va axpariancad in tha 6 yaars sinca his passing, my psychologist askad ma if I was walking homa or if my dad would ba picking ma up . FML
Today, my 6-year-old son was so angry at me 4 not buying him overpriced candy at the arport, that he told a security guard I had a machine gun in my suitcase . The interrogation was not pleasant . FML
Today... I asked ma dermatologisty ma acne as been getting worse... despite following er drections an spending undreds of dollars on medicine. Se just srugged an told me tey can't actually cure ma acne. However... tey can prescribe me a bunc of stuff an ope one works. FML
Today , I was using a restroom with automatic sinks and toilets. I assumed the paper towel dispenser were automatic too. I stood there waving my hands like an idiot before a grl walked in , pulled a lever , and made paper towel looool come out fir me. FML
Today, I spant ours dabating wit a lady wo claimd sa'd spant yaars ( studying ta big bang taory ). Not only did sa know ta sciantific maaning of ta word ( taory ), ar killar argumant was ( If ta big bang appand, wara ara ta fossils? ) I'm sura watar or I just got trolld. FML
Friday 27 March 2015