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green_eggs_and_h

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green_eggs_and_h
  • Town/Country : U.S. of A
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 554
  • Number of comments : 122
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About green_eggs_and_h : I'm here to read of other people's catastrophic conundrums and misfortunes, laugh, procrastinate from doing anything productive and receive your angry messages that you have formulated with only the best regards of my well being and have spent wasting your oh-so-valuable time concocting. There is a 93.6% that I will not bother reading your heart-warming remarks, due to the fact that I do not care enough to bother caring. I can't help but be a snarky, sarcastic, little bastard. I'm truly very sorry. And although I hold myself to the standard of somewhat-decent-grammar, I don't believe I possess the obligation to attempt to correct anyone who may hold themselves to lower standards. Therefore without further ado, I'm thrilled to announce I am not a grammar Nazi. Sometimes.

Post script: 93.6% of statistics are made up on the spot!

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green_eggs_and_h's favorite FMLs

Today, a guy who I hate commented on my Facebook profile picture that I "look like I've fallen off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down." 60 people liked this, including my boyfriend and best friend. FML

#17787431
330 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33480) - you deserved it (7195)

On 09/20/2011 at 11:15am - misc - by chloeguest97 - United Kingdom (Solihull)

Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost my virginity to a shoe. FML

#17779717
423 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53211) - you deserved it (5251)

On 09/19/2011 at 10:39am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, a five year old that I am babysitting picked up a knife and said he would chop my nuts off if I didn't give him his ice cream before dinner. Only 5 more hours to go. FML

#17672212
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26795) - you deserved it (2794)

On 09/05/2011 at 4:23pm - kids - by thatoneguy - United States (Texas)

Today, I was pulled over for a DWI. The police officer was drunk. FML

#17663371
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27784) - you deserved it (3794)

On 09/04/2011 at 6:10pm - misc - by ironic driver - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up to a text from a girl I had slept with two nights ago. It read, "Please don't get mad if you notice a rash on your private parts. Sorry in advance." FML

#17655668
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20146) - you deserved it (27807)

On 09/03/2011 at 7:49pm - intimacy - by SterlingSilver91 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to the movies. I was seated next to a woman who talked through the film and said: "Awwww" every time she saw a primate. I went to see 'Rise of Planet of the Apes'. FML

#17527301
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29837) - you deserved it (2494)

On 08/20/2011 at 5:54am - misc - by RensM (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, the girl of my dreams that I've been dating for months called me. Apparently she's been having recurring nightmares of me cheating on her. She dumped me "just in case." FML

#17527227
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30526) - you deserved it (2203)

On 08/20/2011 at 5:20am - love - by Username - United States (New York)

Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend because he is tired of everyone giving him shit about my ginger hair. FML

#17517733
314 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35879) - you deserved it (5887)

On 08/19/2011 at 6:38am - love - by ginger (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I walked in on my parents discussing how to kill our cat, and how to make it look like an accident. FML

#17508595
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32685) - you deserved it (2262)

On 08/18/2011 at 9:38am - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Bexley)

Today, I met my new neighbor. His wi-fi access point is named "TheRapistDownstairs." FML

#17483730
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31697) - you deserved it (2552)

On 08/15/2011 at 8:30pm - misc - by creepedoutlady - United States

Today, my family dragged me to an Alien-themed museum. They're convinced they were once abducted and felt up by creatures from outer space. They talk, and spend all their money, on nothing else. I'm hungry. FML

#17462682
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21676) - you deserved it (2110)

On 08/13/2011 at 7:21pm - misc - by Help (woman) - United States

Today, after pulling an all-nighter, I fell asleep at the beach. My friends took the opportunity to bury me in the sand, place food all around me, and wait for a flock of hungry seagulls to attack me. To top it off, they taped it all. FML

#17460856
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24624) - you deserved it (5218)

On 08/13/2011 at 3:12pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML

#17457057
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37431) - you deserved it (4052)

On 08/13/2011 at 2:37am - love - by bTOhno - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I got into a fight with my boyfriend. The only thing he could think of to cheer me up was to give me "permission" to give him a blowjob. FML

#17429477
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29864) - you deserved it (5980)

On 08/10/2011 at 1:47pm - intimacy - by noway - Singapore

Today, my dad taped a picture of me to the fridge with "Do not feed the she-beast" written on it. FML

#17250401
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31333) - you deserved it (8034)

On 07/25/2011 at 3:21am - health - by jgdgjyfg - United Kingdom (Rotherham)



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