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gottheREMEDY420's favorite FMLs
by dani0810 / 01/22/2013 at 6:39am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by waking him up with a blowjob, because he had always told me that it was a sexy fantasy of his. When he finally woke up, he got pissed off, rudely accused me of interrupting his beauty sleep, then soundly lay back down and fell asleep again. FML
by nextcontestant16 / 11/19/2012 at 10:12am / United States / Intimacy
by besviken / 11/18/2012 at 5:53pm / Sweden (Uppsala Lan) / Intimacy
by Kallian / 10/25/2012 at 3:08am / Australia / Money
Today, I got fired from a job that I've had for four days for being too "secretive." Apparently, I was leaning over my notebook so that my boss couldn't stand behind me and read what I was writing. The email literally said I was "being too sneaky". They were work notes. FML
by TheHarvardian / 10/25/2012 at 2:59am / United States (Kentucky) / Work
by allison_fishing / 10/25/2012 at 12:37am / United States / Health
Today, my daughter told me that she wanted to convert to Christianity. Not because she has a strong relation with God, but because she wants to post Facebook statuses about Him and "get a lot of likes." FML
by Anonymous / 10/24/2012 at 7:06pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids
Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from 5 years back. Still bitter, I said, "Hey baby, you remember riding me 5 years ago?" I was then punched in the face and restrained until the police arrived. She'd been having an 8 year anniversary dinner with her husband. FML
by Anonymous / 10/24/2012 at 2:26pm / United States / Love
Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML
by Anonymous / 10/24/2012 at 6:51am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by BobsBabe2 / 10/24/2012 at 1:15am / United States / Kids
by Yo Mr. White! ... BETCH! / 10/23/2012 at 6:47pm / United States (California) / Money
Today, I was walking with my boyfriend when a guy walked up to me and told me I look exactly like Taylor Swift. My boyfriend punched him in the face and told him that Taylor Swift is a lot more attractive. I'm actually considering leaving him for the complete stranger. FML
by jeanrose2013 / 10/23/2012 at 6:12pm / United States (Arkansas) / Love
Today, I babysat a 10-year-old and we played Pokémon. It was my first time playing, so he showed me. I ended up winning and the kid started crying and told his parents he hated me. They decided not to pay me for the night, and now I'm out of a job. FML
by Pokemon problems / 10/23/2012 at 6:00pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate, and I gave her a condom to put on me. She tried to open it with her teeth, but ripped it. That was my only condom. I'm now sitting here watching a soap opera with a boner. FML
by Andrew / 10/23/2012 at 3:12pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I came home from college to find my favorite silk nightie that I had left behind being modeled by Bernie, the family dog. Nobody will admit to who put it on him. I don't know what's worse, that my family is a bunch of assholes, or that my nightie is big enough to fit a Saint Bernard. FML
by nicedoggy / 10/23/2012 at 2:05pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I'm still reeling over the unexpected loss of my co-worker. I also received a notification…