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  • Number of visits : 331
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goodmemories's page activity

Visits<b>olpally</b> - the 08/27/2013 at 12:24am

goodmemories's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

See all of goodmemories's badges

goodmemories's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. It got hot and intense and we were really into it, until she blurted out, "Oh baby, rub your penis against mine". FML

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML


I agree, your life sucks (32027) - you deserved it (13394)

On 06/19/2015 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by shmarf (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I started working my new summer job at McDonald's. Only 2 hours into my first shift, my tooth falls out onto a young girl's tray of food. Not only did she see it, but my managers and other people waiting in line all saw it. I don't think I have a summer job anymore. FML

Today, my insane roommate yelled at me for using the word "stupid" because apparently it is a slur against mentally disabled people. Later, she went on and on about this "queer" club she's attending to meet "queer" people to talk about "queer" issues. She's not gay. I am. FML

Today, I sat in on a university-level physics lecture, listening to my hyped-up co-students approximating the hypothetical situation of the Sun consisting of gerbils. The conversation then continued towards how much better energy/mass ratio the gerbil-sun would have compared to the actual star. FML


Today, I took a shit of biblical proportions. I flushed and opened a window, but my pregnant wife went in straight after me. Her morning sickness kicked in and she quickly ran out, vomit dripping from her mouth. She's pissed and thinks I planned the whole thing as a prank. FML


I agree, your life sucks (36827) - you deserved it (4151)

On 09/15/2014 at 2:48pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, I caught a customer using his fat to shoplift gum out of a store. FML


I agree, your life sucks (36885) - you deserved it (2903)

On 09/14/2014 at 11:07pm - work - by nocat6 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my girlfriend texted me saying, "I have some Durex and want your help" so I rushed to her house. She had meant to say "Dulux". I had to help her paint her bedroom. FML


Today, I discovered that one of our cats is super creepy. He humps the blankets on my mother's bed while staring at her while she's sleeping. FML


I agree, your life sucks (39578) - you deserved it (3477)

On 09/13/2014 at 2:56am - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had to take my husband's laptop to University for an in-class exam. I opened the screen, and loud porn started to auto-play. The silence in the class was deafening as I tried to make it stop. FML


I agree, your life sucks (50609) - you deserved it (7055)

On 09/12/2014 at 9:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I saw my teacher using her phone in the middle of class, so to joke around with her, seeing as we're on pretty good terms, I said: "Using your phone in class? For shame." She looks me in the eyes and says, "Would it be ok if I told you I'm arranging my father's funeral?" FML


I agree, your life sucks (45778) - you deserved it (17172)

On 09/11/2014 at 2:33am - misc - by lolwut - United States (Oregon)

Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45338) - you deserved it (13234)

On 09/09/2014 at 11:16pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went to a job interview, and a guy ahead of me went to enter the building, only to walk face-first into a glass door. I rushed to help him up, and after we had a good laugh about it, I turned to walk inside, only to walk straight into the door as well. FML


I agree, your life sucks (44014) - you deserved it (9583)

On 08/12/2014 at 5:23pm - health - by facefuckedguy (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML


I agree, your life sucks (45924) - you deserved it (29298)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by not a dick-man (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML

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