Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

gnomegrown

Search for a member

gnomegrown

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 126
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

gnomegrown's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

gnomegrown's favorite FMLs

Today, I was taking a pizza order at work, and had to ask the customer's name. I couldn't quite hear what he said, so rather than asking him to repeat himself, I asked how it was spelled. He gave me a funny look and said, "Um, A.J.?" FML

Today, I was on a train. An elderly woman and her daughter got on, looking for a seat. The daughter suggested the one next to mine. The elderly woman looked at me and said something in Russian. I speak some Russian. She said she didn't want to "sit by the hooker." FML

#20077596
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20484) - you deserved it (3540)

On 09/18/2012 at 10:04am - misc - by dearbailee (woman) - United States

Today, my wife knows tattoos are a huge turnoff for me. She decided the best way to change my mind about them would be to get one. Across her neck. Of our dog's name. FML

#20069857
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28826) - you deserved it (3100)

On 09/13/2012 at 2:43am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

#19959363
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10737) - you deserved it (36870)

On 07/19/2012 at 2:55pm - misc - by Bontempi (man) - France

Today, I woke up to the faint memory of being drunk enough to draw dicks on my own face in permanent marker. FML

#19312458
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5313) - you deserved it (28414)

On 03/20/2012 at 4:16am - misc - by argh (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I happened to make eye contact with a stranger standing on a balcony of the apartment building across the train tracks from mine. He ran his finger across his neck like a knife and winked at me. I'm afraid to go out again. FML

#18782915
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28654) - you deserved it (2239)

On 01/12/2012 at 5:35am - misc - by Dani - Australia

Today, I had an upset stomach. I lay down in bed with a bucket nearby just in case. Later on, the urge to vomit overcame me, and I puked into the bucket. I realised too late that my cat had chosen to sleep in it. He jumped out and spread vomit all over my apartment. FML

#18716901
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37313) - you deserved it (4933) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/05/2012 at 3:40pm - animals - by Fat_abott - France

Today, I accidentally moaned my own name during sex. FML

#18703291
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31760) - you deserved it (27432)

On 01/04/2012 at 1:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my coworker friend told me she was going to the restroom. Soon after, I did the same. Once in the stall, I could smell a stench emanating from the next one. I yelled, "Ew, you stinky bitch" and sprayed air freshener under the partition. As I left the stall, my friend walked into the restroom. FML

#18490582
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8979) - you deserved it (40960)

On 12/11/2011 at 11:46pm - work - by stinky (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my daughter-in-law taught my 4-year-old grandson to burst into tears and yell, "Am I not good enough for you?" whenever I ask her if she's going to have any more children. FML

#18254436
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12543) - you deserved it (56902)

On 11/15/2011 at 10:16am - kids - by Margo (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I finished a very important but annoying presentation that took four hours to complete. Only after writing a paragraph to explain the presentation and sending it to my boss did I realize that I saved the document as "Shit I have to do to get a promotion." FML

#18231005
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11009) - you deserved it (39923)

On 11/12/2011 at 7:36pm - work - by TTR (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my 12 year-old daughter asked me where her scrotum is. FML

#18139418
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29300) - you deserved it (5158)

On 11/02/2011 at 4:18pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, at work I asked a cute, albeit slightly large customer, her name. Being hard of hearing, I thought she said "Porky" and asked her about it. Turns out she'd said Courtney. FML

#18136317
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24999) - you deserved it (9433)

On 11/02/2011 at 3:12am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, on a dating site, I was matched with my brother, again. FML

#18128656
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47944) - you deserved it (5465)

On 11/01/2011 at 12:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, while in the grocery store my boyfriend said very loudly "Don't make me hit you in public again!" He says things like this every time we are in the grocery store line. The sad part is that it's better than when he says "Are you gonna pay for the stuff you put in your purse?" FML

#18109383
352 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33401) - you deserved it (8888)

On 10/30/2011 at 4:38am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • K'Naye's illustrated FML
  • Woohoo it's the weekend! Winter is all around some of us, but not in our hearts. To help fight off the cold and seasonal depression, this week we're taking a look at love and tenderness. It's what keeps…

Friday 21 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: